Still Being
by World Apart
Summary: No starcrossed lovers to be found here. This is the story of two kids who change each other's way of thinking and not necessarily for the better. The most important lesson they teach each other is knowing when to walk away. Edward/Bella, AH, Very OOC
1. Chapter 1: Revelry

**This idea has been kind of hovering around for a bit now. I'm kind of writing my way through three different Twilight plots at present, this one happens to be my most developed. I have a beginning and ending and a pretty damn good idea of what goes on in the middle. So if you're game, stick with me here. If you aren't that's cool, I'm going to post what I've got anyway.**

**I feel I should warn that this story does contain a lot of very bad things. Underage drinking, sexual stuff, and a lot of drugs. This isn't a story intended to glorify any of those things, but rather a reverse of the typical "saving someone" from their bad ways situation I've seen a few other times. While I do enjoy the rehabilitation stories, I kind of pictured something different from the redemptive love story. This could get tough down the line for some to deal with given some of the situations the characters will get into, but I assure you I will warn you before anything particularly tricky situations.**

**Reviews are always welcome. If you have nothing kind or constructively worded then I ask that you keep those to yourself.  
**

_**This is a disclaimer. I do not own anything but a car and a sweet TV so none of the recognizable characters or settings or plots or blah blah blah belong to me. I'm not making money off this, I'm just bored.**  
_

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Revelry**

The sky is dark and the street is lined with cars that glitter in the ugly orange glow of the streetlamp. Behind where I sit on the porch steps, some indeterminate genre of music thumps, drowning out the sounds of the swarms of teenagers inside the house.

Alice had thrown a fit when we got home from our concert to find that there was a full blown party raging in the house her parents had vacated for the weekend. She stormed into the house, I opted to wait outside while she went into the battle the masses up to her room to get a change of clothes so she could stay over at my house. As she marched in I only caught a bit of her angry muttering, something along the lines of "…not only is it stupid but it's incredibly cliché." Once she was inside not even the pounding music could drown out her shrieking.

"EMMETT, YOU IDIOT!" I heard her piercing scream echo down the street. The mental image of four foot ten Alice berating her six foot three older brother, Emmett, in front of his "guests" was enough to make my laugh. It wouldn't be the first time I'd seen the bearlike Emmett – who was amongst the elite of the school – get told off by his kid sister.

She'd been gone for nearly ten minutes and I figured she must have encountered something particularly unsavory going on in the house. I settled in for a long wait on the steps and tried to pass the time by star gazing the best I could in the shift of cloud cover. My efforts were quickly interrupted by a commotion behind the closed door of the house. There was a muffled argument barely audible over the party as it grew closer. I wasn't surprised when the door was thrown open rather suddenly, I didn't even flinch.

"Yeah well you're acting like a real jerk!" a girl called her voice dripping with blatant disgust. A dark figure stumbled out onto the porch beside me.

"Hey watch it, Newton!" the low voice growled. The voice itself was recognizable, it was the notorious voice that had pulled many a prank over the school's intercom over the years. I was instantly aware that I was in the presence of detention royalty, the king of lengthy suspension himself. Edward Cullen was dusting his sleeves off and looking to the door where a crowd of silhouetted people gathered. The warm glow of the light inside peeked between the group that slowly diminished shaking their heads and spilled across Edward's face and nearly blinded me. I squinted against the intensity of the light trying to recognize the onlookers, Lauren Mallory and Mike Newton stood in the forefront blocking the door.

"Get out of here and sober up, Cullen," Mike snapped at Edward before closing the door and plunging the porch into an instant darkness.

"I thought this was a party!" Edward shouted at the closed door then turned to lean against the column closest to him. He continued to mumble incoherently under his breath as he fumbled through his pockets until he produced a slightly mangled pack of cigarettes. I tried to ignore him as he clicked a lighter a few times until he managed to light the cigarette before he exhaled a curtain of smoke in my direction. I sighed in irritation and shifted myself away from the smell.

"What? Got a problem?" he challenged, his voice was trying just a bit too tough to sound threatening. As if I were expected to sit here and inhale the toxic smoke and be happy that he'd even bothered to breathe near me. Instead of answering I just shook my head slightly. I realized it was probably just a move that served to antagonize his "inner beast" but I couldn't have cared less. Sure he was two years older than me but he strutted around the school like he was some kind of nefarious mobster; there to strike fear and respect into our hearts. Whatever.

He was silent for a moment and I thought he was probably too drunk to play out his badass act for someone as beneath him as I so obviously was. Instead he was thinking. Always a bad sign with drunks.

"You're a sophomore right?" He asked catching me completely off guard for a minute, until I realized how he could have possibly known a single detail of my life which drifted in another galaxy far away from his. We had grown up in the same small town our whole lives so I shouldn't have been to shocked, I mean he was bound to have seen me around enough to recognize me as familiar. I was just thrown off because he'd actually acknowledged my existence and provided a fact about me in less than a minute. All while inebriated. I obviously hadn't given him enough credit before.

"Yep," was my only response. I kept my eyes trained on the slice of moon as it shifted behind wisps of dark clouds, providing them with an eerie backlit glow.

"Shouldn't you be inside getting wasted and letting some closer to sober senior guy like myself have his way with you? Like I just said, it is a party. No matter how lame its attendees are." I rolled my eyes. Edward Cullen; never lacking in class and sophistication.

"I don't drink," I replied simply, choosing to overlook the obvious fact that he was no where near sober. As distasteful as his behavior was I've never been one to be rude in response. Okay that's not exactly the truth, but I tried to avoid being aggressively mean to anyone unless they had it coming, which mean Edward had about two more repugnant comments before I'd get irritated and say something I shouldn't.

"That's stupid. Why not?" Another strike for the pompous ass. I wasn't sure if I could hold out for one more line like that. Instead of letting him have it I decided to answer with the truth. Well the simplified version of it anyway.

"If you must know my mom struggles with alcoholism." I finally turned my gaze back up to him as I spoke just to see his reaction. Maybe he'd shut up now. He took a slow drag off of his cigarette and exhaled as he spoke.

"So? My old man's an alcoholic. I don't let that stop me from enjoying myself." Given that my dad was often dragging his dad into jail, I was well aware of that fact. Hell, we'd all been well aware of it for years.

"Huh. You know alcoholism can be genetic right?" I asked eyeing him warily he had his eyes trained on the glowing end of his cigarette. He examined it closely and shrugged infinitesimally before taking another drag. Given the rate at which he was inhaling, I'd venture to say he's a chain smoker. "Besides if that's what you call enjoying yourself then you obviously have low standards." I was being rude and I knew it. I was expecting him to say something nasty in response but instead he let out a low chuckle his eyes still trained down.

"Do I now?" His tone was almost disinterested.

"Yes." I answered without hesitation. "There are more enjoyable things to do than get wasted and having meaningless sex." Crass but he'd be stupid to think no one noticed how he used girls and just tossed them aside without thinking twice.

"Is that so?" He said raising his eyes to mine eyebrows raised. There was apparent amusement dancing on his face. "Tell me, what 'enjoyable things' do you do in your spare time? Let me guess: reading, homework, maybe a trip to a PG movie with your church friends once a month?" I sucked in a breath at and squared my shoulders.

"No actually –" I was cut off by the door slamming open once more and both our heads snapped around to the glaring light where a redhead I didn't recognize stood.

"There you are Eddie! I thought you might have left without me," Edward dropped his cigarette to the ground and ground it into the porch while flashing a smile at the girl. She was taken in easily by his so called 'mischievous charm' as I'd heard girls at school refer to it. She sauntered across the porch and ran a hand over his shoulders. Her voice was almost a desperate purr as she spoke again, completely oblivious to my presence. "I heard they eighty-sixed you over something stupid. This party was lame anyway. Why don't we get out of here, hmm? Just you and me."

I could help the small gagging gesture I made. It never failed to surprise me that these girls could spend so much time in the same environment and throw themselves at him again and again while he continued to throw women back on the curb and a consistent rate. I felt eyes on me and turned to look back up at the sickening site only to see Edward looking down at me, a quizzical look on his face. I just shrugged and looked away trying to keep the appearance of shock off my own face. I was pretty sure he was wasted; how on earth was he managing to be so observant?

Thankfully the girl began whispering to him and the sound of music swallowed her words. I was so focused on trying to focus on the constellations again that I wasn't away they moved until I head the soft clicking of her heels as they stepped off the porch.

"See you around…kid," The sound of his voice drifted back to me leaving no doubt in my mind that he had no idea what my name was.

"I have a name." I muttered knowing he wouldn't hear it. "It's Bella. Nice to meet you too, loser."

Behind me the door opened once more. I didn't bother to look. It was hardly necessary for me to watch a parade of the Forks High Schools elite in various stages of intoxication.

"Sorry that took so long, Bella." Alice's apologetic voice took me by surprise. "You wouldn't believe what I just found going on in my room. A some redheaded bimbo doing unspeakable things to a guy who looked way too old to go to our school. I'm wondering if my genius of a brother advertised this little high school shindig in the slums of Seattle."

I smirked. If it was the same redhead that had just seen Edward leaving with then it served him right.

"Did I miss anything incredibly exciting out here on the frigid abandoned porch?" She was standing at my side now offering me her hand to help me stand up. I accepted and for a minute I thought about telling her about the run in with the infamous Edward Cullen and said redhead but I'm sure she would have perceived my behavior toward him was flirting, as she was prone to do with any of my interactions with members of the opposite sex, so I skipped it.

"Well I did three perfect keg stands in a row and I'm still okay to drive," I grinned at her and she just rolled her eyes in response.

"Yeah right, like you'd ever have anything to do with those people in there."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: This Charming Man

**Thanks to those who read and/or reviewed! You hold a special place in my heart and I appreciate anyone who took the time out to give this story a chance!**

_**This is a disclaimer. I do not own anything but a car and a sweet TV so none of the recognizable characters or settings or plots or blah blah blah belong to me. I'm not making money off this, I'm just celebrating being done with finals.

* * *

**_

**Chapter 2 - This Charming Man**

I always dreaded the drive back to Forks.

It'd been a week since the night of the party at Emmett and Alice's house; I was on my way home from a night in Port Angeles with Alice and the current object of her affections, Jasper. We'd gone by a coffee house that Jasper insisted we stop by to see a few singer/songwriters play. It was a bit overly pretentious for me and the music was painfully embarrassing to listen to, but Alice enjoyed doing "college" things with her "college" crush. I was still unclear on how they'd met and I was sure he was a college freshman, part-time resident of Forks and worked somewhere she frequented when he wasn't at school.

Ever since he'd popped up on her radar I've heard nothing from Alice that wasn't related to "college" or "the campus". Thankfully Jasper had volunteered to drive Alice home, sparing me a play by play of the last few hours of the non-date that I'd had the unfortunate pleasure of enduring. I was glad he was taking that duty because I had no desire to sit there and listen to her ramble on about how she wondered what each little gesture he made meant when it was clear to me that he was into her. It was so clear, in fact, that I had felt like a total third wheel and was counting the minutes until it was socially acceptable to bow out.

The drive itself wasn't too bad, just very little to see in the total darkness the forests created. I craved the moments when the treetops and cloud cover broke and I caught a glimpse of the stars. Every time I saw the stars it reminded me of just how much bigger the world was outside of the Olympic Peninsula. How much bigger than the world the universe was.

I was only fifteen minutes into the drive when my headlights caught a distinctly human shape wandering in the middle of the near empty highway. Thank God the roads were dry because I slammed on my breaks so hard my truck shuddered under my foot. The figure stumbling in the middle of the road turned and one hand up their eyes from my headlights and stuck their other hand out in the universal hitchhiking gesture.

Not on your life asshole.

I laid on the horn but the person didn't move from the road. Instead they just shrugged and turned around continuing their staggering gait down the middle of the highway. I thought for a second about going around but the road was curvy enough to be too dangerous for using the opposite lane for passing. Stupid fucking rural Washington and it's stupid fucking one lane highways.

I could feel the frustration building up, the kind of frustration that made me lash out and do things that were beyond stupid. I inched along behind the jerk walking up the lane blasting my horn every few feet, but was met with them just lifting their hand and waving broadly at me to go around. After about three time the person flipped me off and that's when my grasp on self control snapped. I slammed on my breaks and leaned out the window, feeling a slight drizzle on my face. I wanted to get home before a downpour started.

"Get the fuck out of my lane, jackass!" The person's head snapped around when I started shouting.

"Just go around, bitch!" The voice was terribly familiar and it only took me about ten seconds to match the slurring yell to the last swaggering drunk person I'd spoken to. I was mad. Mad enough to have lost all my behavioral and common sense filters. Maybe it was that he'd called me a bitch – though my own choice of words wasn't an improvement either – or the building irritation at his "I own the world" attitude, either way I pulled over and threw the car into park. I slammed my door as hard as I could before stomping my way over to where he stood in the middle of the road.

"What the fuck is your problem, Edward." I stormed up to him and the idiot had the gall to look amused. I was going to hurt him if he didn't stop looking so fucking amused all the time. "Too much speedballing? Or are you just so fucked up in the head that you can't walk straight even when you're sober?"

"You've got quite the vocabulary, Isabella." I froze in my tracks when he spoke my name. I know we'd never exchanged a word before the party last week and while our town was small, it wasn't small enough that he'd know the names of every person he crossed paths with. He was all status quo smirks and cockiness but I could smell weed and booze with three feet between us. Lord only knows what else was in his system. How did his mental processes function so well when he could barely walk?

"How did you know my name?" the genuine confusion colored my tone, I didn't sound nearly half as venomous now. He shrugged in reply.

"How did you know mine?" he was grinning now with his retort.

"Everyone knows your name." It was the honest truth too. He may not know everyone in town but everyone sure knew him.

"Yeah, you're right. I've made my name well, haven't I?" He took on a contemplative tone as he swayed slightly on his feet.

"Cut the shit, Cullen, and answer my question."

"Everyone knows the police chief's daughter," he smirked mimicking my tone.

"You didn't know me last week," I countered.

"True, but I do now." He thrust his hand toward me. "Edward Cullen."

"Bella Swan." I kept my arms crossed and made no move to change that.

"I wished I'd noticed you sooner. Bedding Charlie's little girl would have been a nice way to get back at him for all the unjust treatment he's given me over the years." He mused dropping his hand and looking me up and down. The drizzle was quickly becoming a downpour and I instantly felt stupid for playing into his stupid game.

"Dream on, jackass" I spit the term at him again before I turned back toward my truck. He was drunk and I had no qualms with running him down now that I knew he wasn't some random innocent guy with a wife and kids at home. I jerked the door open and heard his steps on the paved road behind me.

"Hey…you heading back to Forks?" he asked having lost his joking tone.

"None of your business." I snapped not turning around.

"It's starting to rain and I could use a ride." He said sounding a little more humble and I groaned. Wonderful, he was going to guilt me. "Besides I'm obviously too fucked up to walk home without getting hit by oncoming traffic."

"Fine." Even though I'd been contemplating being the one to hit him a moment ago I knew I'd feel bad if he got hurt when I had the chance to prevent it. So I had a humanitarian streak, who knew? "But keep that mouth of yours shut. I've had a bad enough night as it is and I don't need your attitude right now."

He merely nodded and moved around to the door of my truck slogging through the now waterlogged shoulder I'd parked on. The silence was beyond awkward this time as I started my car. He locked his eyes on the windshield when the car pulled back on the road where we had both just stood.

"So, why was your night bad?" I groaned. I knew I couldn't rely on him to keep his mouth shut for long. "Hey, I'm not giving you attitude, just asking a question. It'll be one hell of a boring drive if we don't talk."

He forgot to mention the drive would be awkward and ridiculously long given that my truck didn't take well to speeds over fifty. I sighed and decided to humor his suddenly sincere and social side.

"I had to chaperone my best friends date. It was fucking torture." I shook my head a bit to try and clear that other fresh bout of awkward from my mind.

"Was it like a double date?" He asked his eyes never leaving the road, his voice so casual I had a hard time believing this was Edward Hotshot Asshole Cullen I was talking to.

"Seriously? You're questioning me on my social life?" This was beyond fucking surreal.

"Just making conversation." He shrugged.

"You hardly know me." I mumbled narrowing my eyes at the dark road as if it had committed some offense.

"That's kind of the point of conversation, you know. Getting to know someone better?" He finally looked away from the road to shoot me a yet another cliché amused smirk and for a moment I wondered if he was more sober than he let on. "If you'd like I could tell you about my _amazing_ night if you'd prefer. I met this stripper-"

"Fine! I'll tell you. Just spare me the fucking details." I felt like I was going to be sick. He was grinning triumphantly at my reaction and I almost felt pissed that he'd gotten the response he'd wanted. This guy was ten levels of fucked up. "My night sucked because my best friend dragged me out to hang with this guy she has a crush on. We sat at a café all night, _just_ the three of us, while they flirted with each other and ignored me completely. On top of that I was forced to listen to the crappy open mic shit the whole time. Now please just drop the polite chatter."

Then he was laughing. Laughing hysterically. Over something as unfunny as my little rant.

"I could just drop you on the side of the road and let you walk if you'd like. I really have no problem letting your worthless ass get hit by traffic." I snapped slowing the truck a bit to make my point. It may have been a bluff but it worked. He made an effort to quiet his laughter.

"I'm sorry, you just get worked up into a fury so easily over the smallest things. How can one person be so angry and serious all the time?" He sighed mirthfully.

"I'm not like this all the time. You just bring out the worst in me." I muttered taking a brief straightening of the highway to glower at him.

"Perhaps. Or maybe I just bring out a different side of you. You can't really know if it's better or worse because we've only actually spoken to each other twice." He did have a point with that one. I didn't chose to acknowledge the fact that he was right, instead I chose to go on the offensive in typical Bella Swan style.

"And why is it that you're suddenly speaking to me? We've lived in the same town for our whole lives and I doubt you even noticed my existence before that stupid party." He looked contemplative as I spoke.

"Of course I noticed your existence, Drama Queen, it's hard not to see the same faces popping up in a town this small. I recognized you, sure, I just never bothered to learn a thing about you." He shrugged. "As to why I started talking to you? I honestly don't know. Maybe because of the way you were looking at me."

"I have no fucking clue what you are talking about." Was he crazy? What the hell did he mean _how I was looking at him_?

"I'd just been kicked out of that lame party McCarty was throwing and then I see this..." His tone had taken on a bit of an angry edge and he paused as he chose his words, shooting a wary glance at me. His face was a bit more angry and intimidating and I forced back frightened response my body had to seeing him like that. "I see _you_ sitting on the steps looking at me with disdain. It really pissed me off because you were looking at me like you were already judging me and you didn't even know me. You scoff at me and say I didn't notice your existence, but let's face it the facts here. I may not have made an effort to know you but you didn't make one either."

"Oh please," I scoffed. "Like you'd even give me the time of day. Besides I do know quite a lot about you. You don't exactly lead a solitary life out of the light of the public eye, Edward."

"That's what I'm talking about," He gestured with his hands in exasperation. "Just there, you judged me. You _think_ you know me but you don't. You only know what everyone else _thinks_ they know about me. Everyone hears what they want about my actions, disregarding my reasons for acting in the first place. They view me as they want to, whether I am that person they've created in their minds or not. So let me assure you; neither you nor anyone else in that stupid shithole logging town knows a single fucking thing about _me_."

He'd been worked up into a frantic angry pace through the course of his own tangent. I would have made some remark about him getting worked up to easily but he obviously had some kind of disdain for his perceived public persona and that wasn't something small to him it seemed. I was a bit shell shocked. I don't think I would have been more shocked if he had just cut his gut open and pulled out some intestines and laid them on my dashboard for me to look at.

"Jump down my throat some more, why don't you." I mumbled trying to mask the guilt I felt. Here I was feeling all high and mighty and self assured because he was the town scum but I was wrong. I wasn't even an ounce better than him. I was pissed that he had made yet another good point. I hated that Edward Cullen was sitting in my car schooling me on my own twisted sense of morality while he was high on…whatever combination of drugs and booze he was on. "Sorry I made assumptions, but even you have to admit that you wouldn't have given little ol' sophomore me the time of day if I just strolled up to you in the hallway at school and struck up a conversation."

"No I can't admit that." I opened my mouth to counter him but he beat me to the chase. "For fuck's sake, would let me finish speaking before you get all uppity?"

I wanted to laugh like he had done a few minutes before. Now I could see what he meant when he said it was funny watching me get worked up over little things. I hadn't even said a word and he got pissy. I didn't say anything just nodded and bit my lower lip in hopes of hiding my grin.

"I'd say that if you did come up to me in the hall and started talking to me I would have definitely given you the time of day." I must have involuntarily rolled my eyes. "Hear me out, Bella." His voice was stern and I felt myself focus as he spoke my name. "I've only talked to you twice and I have to admit, you are a very engaging person to speak to. Your temperament, the way you phrase things, your body language and facial expression…it's all so different. Definitely interesting. I mean, fuck, you've held my interest in two conversations now and if I'm being honest with myself, I'd say your straightforward way of reading me and calling me out on shit is pretty intimidating. It kind of pisses me off. I'm usually the one doing that kind of stuff and I can't quite figure you out."

"Hmm," It was the only answer I could give at the moment. He sounded shocked himself for admitting those things about someone he'd overlooked for so long. I could sympathize with that sentiment at least; I was astonished that someone I'd viewed as a total waste-of-space douchebag for years was triggering these kind of revelations. It made me even more uncomfortable than I had been before. The car was silent for more than a few moments when I spoke again.

"Okay then," I spoke slowly. Not sure of what to say next. "Why don't we agree we've both been stupid about judging people we don't know and do our best to not be so horribly and needlessly prejudiced ever again?"

He was laughing again. I glanced over at him for half a second, trying to gauge if he was laughing at me or with me. He seemed genuinely amused rather than typical normal prickish superior state of amusement.

"Sounds like a plan." I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eye. "I don't think I'd ever understand the way your mind works, even if I spoke to you every minute of every day."

"Yes, well, let's be grateful that you don't." I sniffed a bit trying to dissipate the tiny thread of companionship I could feel between us. "I'd probably go crazy from your constant presence."

I think I only half meant it.


	3. Chapter 3: Sound the Alarm

**Thanks to everyone who took the time to read! I greatly appreciate those who review, it lets me know I'm not being a pest by continuing to post. I kind of suck at writing replies though so please know that your reviews do motivate me and they are greatly appreciated!**

**This chapter is dedicated to three people. Steph, who is awesome and corrects me on my fail!grammar, Steph's new little cute niece Freya, and Uncle Howie for teaching me how a true lush acts.**

_**This is a disclaimer. I do not own anything but a car and a sweet TV so none of the recognizable characters or settings or plots or blah blah blah belong to me. I'm not making money off this, I'm just waiting to leave for work.  
**_

* * *

**Chapter 3 - Sound the Alarm**

"Bella!" Alice's voice reached my ears and I paused looking behind me to the path swarmed with fellow classmates desperate to be off campus. I was unable to spot my shrimpy dark haired best friend, so I just stood to the side and prayed for no bodily injury. "Bella! _Wait up_!"

"Took you long enough." She finally emerged beside me, looking just as eager to flee the premises as the rest of the school population that were passing around us in a mad dash for the parking lot. "Making me wait for you like that is a death sentence. You know these brainless mofos would trample anything in their way without a second thought."

We started shuffling along the path, Alice shifting her bag from one shoulder to the other. She was a fan of accessories in all forms; her book bags changed at an astonishing rate. I preferred to keep most things in my truck. Since few of my classes required texts during class, I opted to carry the solitary notebook and whatever textbook I needed on a daily basis in class - which was usually my math text. Anything that didn't fit into my jean or sweater pockets was left behind.

"So tell me about what happened on the drive home." I decided to venture in the direction of conversation I knew she was just itching to get to. Though Alice and I had seen each other a few times today, we'd hardly had time for her to divulge the details of her time spent with Jasper; well at least not on the level of detail she was so eager to share. She'd spent most of today's lunch grinning like the village idiot as she had a text conversation with Jasper, while I sat bored out of my mind, trying to rush through the homework that was due next period. At least I was able to steal her brownie without her getting pissed.

"Oh Bella, you have _no _idea," She looked completely blissed out and her steps were lighter, almost floating, as she launched into her review of the night. It was a safe topic. I knew if she were lost in the memory of the long drive she spent with Jasper, I would be able to think of something other than my own drive back.

Unfortunately for me, the memory of that drive was a much less pleasant thought to entertain. After the sociable Edward spoke his piece, an incredibly tense and awkward silence settled in between us. I blamed him, naturally. He was the one who'd pointed out that I didn't know a damn thing about him, so what was I supposed to talk to him about?

The silence had been broken by him pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I promptly told him he was fucking crazy if he thought it was okay to smoke in my truck. He was back to being a dickhead and told me my truck was a piece of crap and that he'd crack the window. The argument continued until he just shouted "Fine!" and slumped down all anger and pouting in the passenger seat. The silence resumed for the remainder of the drive. He mumbled a "later" before slamming my truck's door and sulking up the driveway to his house.

Instead of letting myself sink into furious thoughts of how he hadn't even shown courtesy by thanking me for shuttling his sorry ass home safely, I focused on Alice's words and the lovey dovey look in her eyes.

"So then he kind of smiled and he said that he wanted to 'hang out' again sometime." She was caught up in her recap, confusion playing across her face. We had reached my truck and paused near truck bed so she could finish her story. "But I don't know if he means, hang out as friends or hang out in the sense where there's a lot of touching and very little talk. What do you think?"

I didn't get the chance to respond because, at that moment, we were interrupted by a very unwelcome presence.

"Well hello, ladies. How are we doing this lovely day?" I could feel my eyeballs roll back into my sockets. Tyler Crowley; my very first mistake in the world of adolescent dating. He'd moved here in seventh grade and by eighth grade he was showing an interest in me. I, of course, was thirteen and completely taken by what I thought was charm and the air of mystery that he gave off, because I hadn't spent every school day of my life with him. I quickly learned that the charm was actually arrogance. Despite being so outwardly arrogant he was ridiculously clingy. At the time I was put off by how juvenile he was – well that, and he was all hands – but I eventually learned to expect nothing more from guys.

"What, Tyler?" I snapped. I definitely didn't want to deal with his 'flirting' today. Mondays sucked and I was ready to get out of there without having to shoot Tyler down. Again. After we'd broken up (or rather I dumped him) he'd been kind of a jerk, but then once we were in high school he'd decided he still had a shot with me. I couldn't go a week without him attempting to woo me.

"I just wanted to see how your weekend went, Bella," he gave me his best smile and I desperately wished I could summon up the ability puke on his shoes; maybe that would get the message that I wasn't interested across. "Thought I'd see if you had any gentleman callers that I should consider competition for your company next weekend."

"Nope." I popped the word out casually and shot a look at Alice who was silently watching, her amusement written all over her face. What a pal, she wasn't helping me out in the least here. "No gentlemen on my radar, and that most definitely includes you, buddy."

"Oh, Isabella why fight it?" He leaned in a bit and I stepped back into the side of my truck. "You know you're just dying for another shot at me."

"Bye, Tyler." I said, injecting as much of the curt, icy bitch attitude I was known for into my tone, but it was like he was completely immune to rejection of all forms. He didn't budge and I was ten seconds away of removing him from my personal space with a more violent tactic. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alice working up to say something but someone else beat her to the punch.

"Well I'll be damned." Edward had materialized to our right. Alice and Tyler both looked totally stupefied that Edward Cullen was speaking in their general vicinity. I suddenly felt even more violent. My hands were tightly clenched into fists and I was making an effort not to swing at anything. "Crowley, I knew you were an idiot but harassing the police chief's daughter in a parking lot full of witnesses? That kind of stupidity is bordering on suicidal."

I narrowed my eyes at Edward, who just raised his eyebrows in feigned disbelief at Tyler. Of course he'd stand here lecturing my ex-boyfriend on how stupid he was to harass me in front of witnesses. Edward was much smarter about it. _He_ only harassed me on abandoned porches and deserted highways in the middle of the night. No witnesses to fall back on. Though I didn't need to point out that Charlie wouldn't need witnesses, one word about the way either of these boys behaved toward me and they'd both be goners. Lucky for them I didn't feel the need to have Charlie fight my battles for me.

"Later, Bella. Alice," Tyler nodded at us and made a quick retreat, obviously spooked by Edward's interference. Even though I was kind of grateful for said interference, I didn't let that keep me from glaring at Edward and willing lasers to shoot from my eyes and melt a hole clean through his brain.

"You know, when a man saves you from unwanted advances, it's common courtesy to thank them, Bella." Edward sneered at me; Alice gaped at me even more. Bastard. I was hardly going to thank him – he'd called me by name, and that had definitely not gone unnoticed by her. Now I was going to face the 'Alice Inquisition' as to why Edward Cullen was suddenly swooping off his dumpy horse in tarnished armor to "save" me, as he put it.

"Please, I can handle Tyler Crowley." I scoffed. "I've been fending him off for years and I've managed just fine without your lame displays of heroism."

"If that's how he acts after years of your deflection, then you obviously aren't handling the situation well enough." He crossed his arms over his chest to punctuate his genuine disbelief.

"You've been paying attention to me for, what, two seconds? You have no right stepping in and judging the way I handle my life." Perfect, he'd worked me up into super pissed off and ranting mode. He, of course, just oozed smugness. Somewhere in my mind, I was berating myself for responding to the provocation and giving him the desired reaction. However, the rest of my mind was too set on telling him off to put a stop to it. "Where do you-"

Turns out I didn't have to stop the rant because a sharp horn blast cut through my speech. My head snapped around and caught sight of an all too familiar blue sedan. Renee's car was swerving through the parking lot, and instantly, my blood ran cold. She turned down the row I was on, using her horn again for no apparent reason. I swept my eyes around the parking lot, noting that a good number of students had already left, but there were still more than I had hoped for, left gawking at the scene before them.

The car came to a jerky halt twelve feet away from where Alice, Edward and I stood. Renee – apparently already well into a typical state of shit-face – was fumbling around in the driver's seat. The car rolled backward a bit then jerked to a stop once again. She was wrestling with the seatbelt, and that's when I came to the horrified realization that she was getting out of the car. I shot a look at the Edward and Alice; Edward looked like everyone else, gaping at the spectacle my mother was creating. Alice's eyes met mine when I looked at her and her face twisted into this pitying look that set my skin on fire. She knew. Of course she knew. We'd known each other far too long for her to _not_ know, after all, she'd been around for these kinds of occurrences many times before.

I tore my gaze away from the Alice's wide sympathetic eyes, my stomach twisting up in humiliation. I had never wanted anyone to know about this shit, but of course this wasn't the first public occurrence. Everyone knew she was a drunk I'm sure, and it was a favorite topic of gossip what with her being the chief of police's wife. Drunk driving Renee though? That was going to set the gossipmongers into a frenzy. Renee was stumbling out of the car and making her way toward me. The car was parked in the middle of the road; still running, door open as far as it would go.

"Bella, sweetie, sorry I'm late. I completely forgot, but I'm here now!" She was slurring pretty bad. My mind was racing with questions. Where had she gotten the liquor? Charlie and I had dumped all we could find during last week's attempt at intervention. How was she driving? Her set of keys were currently wherever the hell Charlie was and we'd hidden the spares so well she hadn't been able to find them in months.

_Never underestimate an addict_, the thought grazed my mind. You'd think we would have learned that by now.

"Renee, what are you thinking driving like this?" I hissed, stomping toward her.

"What are you talking about, honey? Your father is going to be late so he wanted me to pick you up." She hiccupped a bit on the last word.

"I have my license now. You shouldn't have come." With my free hand, I grabbed her arm at the elbow and started dragging her towards the car.

"Isabella Swan, you let go of me this instant!" She shrieked, jerking her arm free of mine and falling directly on her ass. "I am your mother and you will treat me like it!"

Her words were running together so much that, if this weren't something I was used to, I'd have not understood a word she said. I took advantage of her being down for the moment and rushed over to the car, shutting of the engine and practically ripping the keys out of the ignition. I slammed the door and walked back over to where Alice stood, waiting for me to give her silent permission to help. Even though I was mortified by her being aware of the situation, I knew Alice wanted nothing more than to help.

I caught a look at Edward who was eying me with a serious look.

"What?" I snapped at him as I shoved my hands into my pockets, struggling to keep my books balanced in my arms as I frantically searched through my pockets for my truck keys.

"Let me help you," he said, his voice hushed. Renee was now sprawled on the concrete rambling louder and louder as the seconds ticked by. I fleetingly observed that most students in the parking lot were standing around, whispering and laughing with each other while watching my train wreck of a mother, or shooting glances at Renee as they went about their business.

I felt the panic and utter humiliation, mixing in with anger at my mother. I wanted to yell at Edward, tell him that he was going to end up like the pathetic grown woman lying in the high school parking lot ,destroying her daughter's life just a few feet away, if he didn't grow a brain and stop doing all the things he did. I wanted to hit him and then tell him that _this_ was exactly why I didn't drink. He should know; his dad wasn't any better.

And that fact was exactly why I didn't say a word to him.

He knew. He's been in my exact spot before. His dad was Carlisle Cullen, the brilliant brain surgeon and another town drunk. He needed no lecture about how he'd end up because he knew damn well what he was doing with his life. I may have not know a thing about him, but I could look at him in that moment and see there wasn't an ounce of pity on his face. It made me feel a little less isolated.

I still didn't know him though, and I didn't want to bring him in on something so personal. We might have had this common factor, but I didn't trust him. I shoved my books at him and he took them from me. It was something, I was then free to dig deep into my sweater pockets - through gum wrappers, pens, and scraps of notes - and finally hooked a finger through the key ring. I tossed the keys to Alice, who spun on her heel and rushed to the driver's door of my truck. She was my best friend for a reason.

I turned to my mom, my hands free of clutter, her car keys tucked partially into the front pocket of my jeans. I bent down and lifted her up. She choked off mid rant caught off guard by my actions. She burped loudly and burst into a fit of unending giggles as her body went limp. She was dead weight in my arms.

"Renee! Let's go, we need to get you home," I strained under her weight, practically dragging her to the car.

"Isabella…you don't call me by my name, missy." She pouted, slouching in my grasp and making herself all the more difficult to drag. I was panting with effort and my hair was in my face, making me wish I had a hair tie. Or wishing I could just drop my mom in the middle of the parking lot and drive away from this mess.

"Mom, let's go, dad's waiting for you at home." I sighed in frustration before attempting to lift her so she was fully standing. Instead of slouching more, she jerked out of my arms, staggering violently as her feet moved away from me.

"No. NO!" She was screaming now. "No, Bella I'm not going home. Home is boring! _Charlie_ is boring. I don't want to ever go back again! I hate it there, Bella; you can't make me go back!"

And there it was. The truth behind all of this. Her discontent with the life she had. She just wanted to run away. At least she was standing now. I figured I'd play into her desires. I'd feel like shit for lying to her later, but I was desperate to get this behavior out of the public eye. I already had a feeling that the things she'd screamed at the top of her lungs about Charlie were going to send the town into a whirlwind of scandal in a few hours time, and it was going to crush him when the whole town was whispering about how he'd driven her to drink.

"Okay, mom, I won't I promise." I spoke softly. "Why don't you get in the car and I'll drive you to Seattle. We'll buy you a plane ticket and you can go far, far away." I kind of wished I could. This was killing Charlie; _she_ was killing Charlie. It was torture to watch my family be torn apart like this.

"You promise, Bella? Promise with everything you have?" She looked at me skeptically. I just nodded, now I was fighting back tears. She got this crazy look of hope and glee in her watery, distant eyes. She looked down right giddy to be getting away from Forks and her family. She stumbled forward and managed to slump herself into the passenger seat as I pulled the door open on the driver's side. I started the car keeping my eyes focused on nothing but pavement before me; I didn't dare to look at a single person as I passed through the parking lot.

The drive was quiet until Renee realized I wasn't heading toward the highway. She wailed and cried, pleading with tears rolling down her flushed cheeks. She begged me not to make her go back. I kept silent because I knew if I said a word I would have ended up screaming at her, telling her just what I thought of her at the moment, and that'd only make her more of a sobbing, howling mess.

"You promised me, Bella, you promised!" She just sobbed over and over again. She even tried to open the door and jump out, but I flicked the auto lock switch on the driver side door beside me, and she couldn't figure out how to get it undone. I managed to get a quick call in to Charlie. I told him to get home as quickly as he could manage, he must have heard the howling moans beside me because he said he was on his way and disconnected a heartbeat later.

"Why won't you people let me go?"

I honestly didn't know anymore.


	4. Chapter 4: Need to Make a Sound

**Chapter's a bit overdue I know. I have been writing a ton (I've got a chapter and a half written after this one) and absolutely unmotivated to get it edited. This chapter is dedicated to Steph who beta'd this super quick so I could get it posted! It's also dedicated to the unfortunate people who were stuck growing up with authority figures for parents, like Bella and her Cop Dad or that girl Kelsy I went to school with who's mom was the Vice Principle. That's a tough life.**

_**This is a disclaimer. I do not own anything but a car and a sweet TV so none of the recognizable characters or settings or plots or blah blah blah belong to me. I'm not making money off this, I'm just taking a break from mathematical sentences and phrases.  
**_

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Need to Make a Sound  
**

Alice hadn't said much when she pulled in to the driveway in my truck with the window rolled down. She was just biting her lip looking mildly uncomfortable. The shouting from inside the house behind me was the two ton elephant we wouldn't acknowledge. She still needed a ride back to school so she could drive her car home, though, so I just walked to the driver side door and she silently slid over.

"So…" she ventured and I waited dejectedly to hear what she'd ask me. "Edward Cullen is talking to you?"

I just gave a half nod. I definitely didn't want to go down this path of conversation. I knew she'd understand.

"Well, now's not the time for it," she was making an effort to sound a bit more light hearted, like her usual self. "but you _will_ be picking me up in the morning and you _will_ be telling me the details of this development. Understood?"

Another half nod and I forced a weak smile. She was trying to help me move past the day, but forcing me to talk about my incredibly aggravating encounters with Edward wasn't doing anything to lighten my mood. I could tell tomorrow would be yet another trying day from the get go.

When I got home, I went straight upstairs. Normally I would have gone into the kitchen and started prepping dinner and doing homework, but Charlie and Renee were still screaming at each other. I figured that were I to cook a meal, Charlie wouldn't have an appetite, Renee would throw a plate of food at his head and I'd have to clean up that mess before tossing out a bunch of food no one would eat.

Once in my room, I decided to get the last of my homework done but realized that I wouldn't be able to do that either because I had given Edward my textbook. I groaned and dropped onto my bed, adding "No math homework to turn in" and "Having to talk to Edward again to get my books back" to the growing list of reasons as to why Tuesday would suck almost as bad as Monday.

"You don't care, you never cared." Renee's melodramatic shriek drifted up the stairs. I kicked my shoes off and scooted up the bed to shut my light off. It wasn't even six yet, but I had very few options available with the screaming, and, being confined to my room to avoid it. Besides that, the day was emotionally exhausting and I was eager to end it.

I always end up regretting sleep as an avoidance tactic and definitely regretted waking up at three am the next day. I managed to drag myself out of bed once hunger woke me. I went downstairs and made a quick omelet for myself, only feeling slightly guilty that I wasn't making any for my parents. After all, they were adults; they should cook their own meals.

After cooking, I camped out in front of the TV for a bit with breakfast and watched the early hours TBS line up before heading up to shower and get ready at about five. After getting ready I texted Alice -- who was usually awake by six -- to let her know when I was going to pick her up.

Eventually, I caved and made my parents a quick breakfast of bacon and eggs, telling myself that it wasn't because I was taking care of them, it was out of boredom. I didn't bother to wait until they woke up before I left.

Alice was waiting outside by the time I pulled up. Not really much of a shock given that I'd told her what time to expect me. That and, she could probably hear my truck two blocks away.

She was grinning ear to ear and it made me more nervous than I had been up to this point. The door opened and Alice slid in the passenger seat. I really didn't want to deal with the Alice Inquisition. So I didn't. I just launched into the story of the two times I'd interacted with Edward that she had not been present for as I pulled out of her driveway. No pleasantries were exchanged, no pretenses were kept, I just spilled my guts for her to see and she listened.

"I _really_ don't like this, Bella." She frowned slightly, concern lining her face. "We've known Edward our whole lives and this is just…not good."

"No, we actually haven't." I countered. The things he'd said to me in this very truck just a few short days ago were now shifting around in my head. "Known him our whole lives I mean. We know _of_ him but we don't actually know anything about him."

"I _know_ he puts the fun in dysfunctional." She raised her eyebrows in distaste and I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Alice to say something so…tacky. "In all seriousness, Bella, we may not know him as a person but we know his track record and that kind of thing – it just says a lot about a person."

"Maybe." I didn't exactly disagree with her. Her words verbalized the thought I'd kicked around since he himself had told me that I only knew his rap sheet, not who he was. I was having a hard time trying to balance the two concepts. I suppose in a way they both impacted each other. His record was a reflection of who he was as a person. Maybe Edward's record was a distorted reflection? I had no idea and frankly the circular thought made my head hurt.

"Just use caution and judgment, that's all I ask." I shot her a sidelong glance; she was looking at me, her eyes sympathetic. "He's tricky. Plus he was way too interested in your family drama yesterday. He could be trying to get the dirty details on the police chief's life."

I felt a few ounces of resentment boil up my throat hearing Alice talk about my family's problems like that. That was irrational I know, but not as irrational as the urge I had to tell her she was wrong about Edward's motives. I may have had no clue about them myself, but I was certain that finding out the details about my lush of a mom was the last thing he was after. I could see it on his face yesterday, even if Alice couldn't – Edward was genuinely sympathetic. The kind of sympathy that you got from first hand experience.

I forced back a slew of comments for the sake of our friendship and kept silent as we approached the school. Alice didn't seem to notice anything off and just skipped off to class as soon as the truck stopped. I wasn't skipping. I dragged myself into the loitering population of the school, wondering where I should go to look for Edward. The thought vanished a moment later when someone tapped my shoulder. My steps faltered as I came to a sudden halt. I turned around coming face to face with the very person I'd been seeking out.

"Missing something?" He gave a half smile as he held up my textbook, waving it side to side. I reached up to take the book relief flooding through me. This would spare me the hassle of having to find him and probably give me a few minutes to tear through the rest of my math homework before the day started.

"Thanks, I was-" When my hand stretched out for the book he pulled it out of my reach. I narrowed my eyes. "Cut the shit, I need that."

"Relax, kid." The half smile widened. "I'm going to walk you to class."

"Oh, for fuck's sake." I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. If I was being honest, I was shocked to shit that of all the things I was expecting him to say, that was definitely not it. "I really don't have the time for this. I need to finish my homework."

"Humor me." Was his reply. I kind of wanted to just tear my book out of his hand and walk away, maybe smashing him on the head first. My stomach twisted uneasily; was he going to dig for dirt as Alice had suggested? Instead of acting how I wanted, I did exactly as he requested. I humored him.

"So tell me, how are your classes going?" I shot him an incredulous look and he shot me a look that reiterated his previous statement: _humor me_.

"Fine." I offered with a shrug of my shoulders.

"And what classes would you be taking?" I dropped my head down in frustration. This was getting ridiculous.

"Why does that matter? Look, can you get to the point? This is my class and I'd like to get inside, preferably with my book." That was a lie, my class was three buildings down the path, not that he knew any better. Instead of saying anything Edward looked down at my textbook in his hand.

"I just wanted to let you know that if you need to talk about shit or…whatever, I'm around." He shrugged and held my book out to me which I accepted unconsciously. He sounded awkward. Hell I felt awkward. The town fuck up just offered to listen to me whine about my familial situation. Definitely an _awkward_ kind of moment.

"'Kay." Was my highly intelligent response. I had to practically scrape my jaw up off the pathway. "Bye, Edward."

I turned away completely confused. I had no idea how to process that exchange either. I couldn't categorize him at all. Should I feel grateful that he was offering me someone to talk to, astonished that he sounded so unsure of himself, or suspicious for the very reasons Alice stated?

"Hey!" I turned back and he was standing there, his eyebrows knit together and I wondered what ridiculously confusing thing he'd say next. "I thought this was your class." I could feel my lips pull up a fraction into an impossible smile as I shrugged. This one was easy enough.

"I lied."

School passed quickly enough and was free of unpleasant encounters. Although the whispers and stares followed me around, they were easily ignored. Everyone in town went through a point where they were subject to whisperings and gossip; this was hardly a first for me. I just kept my head down and endured it. I didn't commit a violent act on one person the whole day, a personal Gossip Day record. I even managed to get my math assignment finished and turned in on time.

I gave Alice a ride home and the earlier conversation was forgotten. We chatted about our day, she brooded a bit over the fact that Jasper had yet to call her while I just rolled my eyes. All in all the day had proved to be better than I thought it would be.

Then I pulled into my driveway and the reality of the situation in the house pressed down on my shoulders. Charlie's cruiser was there. I had no idea what kind of situation I'd be walking into. Would Renee be crying at the kitchen table? Would Charlie be in the garage fighting back tears? Would they be screaming at each other? Would they be sitting together on the couch talking?

Fat chance in hell. They never talked. They either yelled or glared in silence. Either way, I was, _obviously,_ beyond eager to walk into the house and deal with the drama again.

As I pushed through the door I was greeted by a silent house. I stepped cautiously out of the entry into the kitchen to see a brooding Charlie sitting at the table. He didn't look up when I entered the room.

"Where's Renee?" I asked. He heaved an exasperated sigh and nodded toward the staircase. Probably meant she was passed out upstairs. "How…how are things?"

These kinds of talks were always awkward. Depending on his mood, Charlie said nothing or Charlie said too much. I was kind of hoping he'd just say "They're fine" then walk out into the living room and turn on sports center. Instead he leveled me with a dark gaze. It was a definite Cop-Dad look, the kind that made you freeze in place and run through the list of every indiscretion you'd committed in the last few weeks and wonder what you'd been busted for. So far as I could recall, my indiscretions list was relatively trivial at the moment.

"Bella, I don't like the things I'm hearing around town." My stomach knotted up. The words didn't match up with the look on his face. Why would he be looking at me like that if he was just upset over town gossip? It wasn't like _I_ controlled the things they said.

"I know, Dad, but…they're going to talk, what with that whole incident being so public. I'm sure they'll forget all about her showing up in a few weeks time." I was more confused by the time I finished speaking because he just shook his head.

"I don't mean regarding your mother. I know what they say." His eyes flickered down to the table then returned to my own. "I mean, I've heard what people have been saying about you."

"_Me_?" Why did everyone have to be so goddamn cryptic and confusing today? I needed plain English in simple sentences. "I haven't done anything."

"That's not what I've heard. Word is you've been hanging around that fucked up Cullen kid." I, of course, was slack jawed again. Why did people have to keep doing things that threw me off so badly? I was starting to feel like an idiot.

"You've got to be kidding me? Tell me you don't actually believe that?" I demanded. My eyes were wide and pleading. "You of all people know better than to believe anything the gossipmongers say!"

"Not necessarily," He shrugged. "They can be head on about some things." The true words were unspoken but they hung in the air like smoke from an open blaze. _They were head on about your mom and I_. "Just cut the diversion tactics and tell me you aren't dating him."

"Hell no!" I barked out laughter. Charlie looked enraged for a moment and I jumped in understanding the mix up. "No, no, no. Charlie I mean hell no, I wouldn't date him if the only other option was a toothpick being jabbed in my eye for hours on end."

That seemed to smooth his temper out a bit. He relaxed back into his chair, eyeing me with his eyes narrowed in assessment. I hated when he did that. I felt like he was picking apart my every gesture to determine a lie. It _made_ me tell the truth. Stupid effective parent-policing combination techniques.

"So why am I hearing the things I'm hearing? Rumors don't start around here without reason. That means there has to be an ounce of truth to what they're saying. The last thing I need is to worry about you hanging around with losers when I've got all of _this_ to deal with at home."

"I've talked to him twice within the last two days." I shrugged turning my attention to the sink where dishes were starting to pile up. I'll show him the meaning of diversion tactics. I started washing the cups slowly, with my back to him, hoping he couldn't hear the lie. "Not a big deal really. He was there when the whole Renee thing went down and I handed him my book. I forgot to take it back and talked to him again this morning to get it so I could finish my homework."

"Why was he there yesterday in the first place? Way I hear it, he was threatened Tyler Crowley." Crowley, the rat! I'll bet he's been spreading rumors like crazy since Edward busted up his "game" or whatever he called it.

"Actually, he interfered on your behalf." Charlie snorted in disbelief, but I continued before he could put in his two cents. "Tyler was harassing me, and Edward merely stated that it was stupid of him to harass the police chiefs' daughter with so many witnesses."

"Well that's the truth at least." I could hear him standing from his chair. His voice was considerably lighter than when I'd walked through the front door, but I could feel a fatherly lecture coming on. "Just be careful. Some of the things I've hauled that kid in for would make your toes curl, Bells. I don't want him taking advantage of your good nature." I fought the urge to snort at the last part as he had when I was speaking. Like father, like daughter.

He stood beside me and gave me a half hug before turning from the kitchen. His words were just more of the same as those Alice had beaten into my brain that morning. _Stay away from Edward. Edward has done bad things._

I couldn't shake the thought that out of all the people I had encountered, and all the things I'd endured, Edward was the only one who even offered a bit of sympathy or comfort. He had pretty much offered me a shoulder to cry on, and though I would never lower myself to such a degrading act, I was kind of glad on some level. Of the few people who knew my family situation, no one ever asked how I was doing. They just assumed I was handling it well because I wasn't a hollow shell of a human being after every tiny tragedy. They just edged around the topic in my presence.

_Don't ask Mega Bitch Bella about her problems at home, she's likely to tear your face off. Besides, she looks like she's doing just fine. I bet she doesn't even feel it._

The thoughts were building up into a franticly bitter state and I was feeling particularly defiant. Maybe I wanted to talk about things that they were too uncomfortable for those around me. Maybe I wanted to give Edward Cullen a chance, a real one. Maybe a chance was all he needed.


	5. Chapter 5: Brave Like You

**First and foremost: Thank you to each and every person who took the time to review! I think you should know that those reviews make me absolutely giddy every time I see that I have reviews. Thank you to those who take the time to read and those that set this on their alert. It makes me so excited and nervous knowing that almost a hundred people read this story and liked it enough to want my chapter notifications spamming their inbox!**

**The updates are getting spaced out I know, but I swear to you that I have no intention of dropping it. I'm far too invested in this story to quit. That and I have a good outline.**

**This chapter is where that high rating comes in. The following contains very obvious use of drugs. This won't be the last time you'll come across these kinds of things so just know that you've been warned.**

**Chapter 5 is dedicated to Steph – great beta, amazing friend – and that girl who I can never really hate even though she forever tainted Oh Bla Di.**

**I am not Stephanie Meyer. This is a fanfiction. I only own the laptop it's written on. Okay, I lied, my dad owns it. I own nothing.**

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Brave Like You**

It was more difficult than I thought to search for one person in a crowd through the medium of a rear view mirror. How anyone could ever think such an effort was inconspicuous and effective was beyond me. I was craning my head every which way, ducking and stretching my neck around, trying to get a better view of the campus behind my truck. Many of my fellow classmates probably thought I was losing my mind.

I gave up after ten minutes or so, deciding to suck it up and just find Edward the old fashioned way – no matter how desperate I thought it made me look. _I_ knew I wasn't desperate, and when it came down to it, that's all that mattered. _Ha, right, keep telling yourself that, Bella. _I pushed the door of my truck open and slid out. I didn't bother with any textbooks for the moment, knowing I had a math test before lunch, leaving me to just carry a simple spiral bound notebook.

Making my way toward the campus I gave the walkways a quick glance, trying to look casual. No where to be seen. I turned around and surveyed the lot, wondering why that hadn't occurred to me first. I spotted his vacant Volvo pretty easily. Not too many cars were that nice in town. I turned once more toward the school, picked a path at random and started walking.

I was starting to panic. I'd got to school a half hour earlier than I normally would for this. I didn't want to have to talk to him in front of the multitude of Forks High students. Going against Charlie's wishes was one thing. Going against Charlie's wishes in a blatant and very public display of rebellion was quite another. That, and the fact that he had a point about the things that would be said around town if I started hanging around Edward. I may not be big on making a good impression on the township but it was pretty common knowledge that being the regular focus of small town gossip could do some major damage to one's psyche.

Thankfully, the panic was short-lived because Edward was further down the path I'd been panicking along, walking in my direction.

"Edward!" I called out in relief without thought, my tone was a textbook definition for desperate. _Fantastic_. He looked up, his eyes widening a bit before that stupid carefree, asshole grin showed up on his face, irritating me more as I mentally struggled with the realization that for once I was glad to see him. This wasn't going to be pretty. I shot a look around as I made my way toward him and saw that the area around us was almost deserted.

"Hello insignificant underclassman. How are you today?" I rolled my eyes at the greeting. My stomach was already knotting up with anxiety as I tried to think of a way to say what I had to. I wouldn't admit it, but, I was worried he'd make a joke about this. I bit my lip; my eyes focused on the buildings behind him. I realized he was heading off campus and the heavily procrastination-prone part of my mind tore away from the uncomfortable thoughts I'd been entertaining all morning in favor of curiosity at his destination.

"Where are you going?" I could feel my head tilt a bit, and I straightened it out; what a stupid childish gesture. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder before looking at me.

"Morning routine," he shrugged, the confident look never faltering on his face, but I could tell he was forcing it. "What did you need, kid?"

"That's not my name," I spit the words at him; once again, very, very childish. I reeled myself back in a bit and tried to focus. I had to say something. "I was just thinking…about, you know, what you uh, said yesterday about that thing…" I fidgeted through the sentence as if I were confessing to breaking my mom's favorite necklace when I was six, which I never actually did confess to come to think of it. He was quiet and I chanced a look up at him. He looked utterly lost. I bit back a groan realizing I'd have to just come out and say it.

"About talking?" I prompted and suddenly his eyes -- lit with understanding -- were running over my face in an almost analytical way. I gave a curt nod and the cocky smirk fell off his face for a split second as he considered this, before snapping back into place. He took a few steps forward until he was at my side.

"Walk with me, Isabella."

"That's not my name either," I bit out in frustration, turning to walk with him as he continued his path off the walkway and toward the tree line that bordered the school. I shot another look around, praying no one saw me walking into the woods with this depraved character. "It's Bella and you better remember that this time. I'm not going to keep giving you passes."

"Well, aren't we the little spitfire today." He laughed stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat. We entered the forest; I was taking steps carefully while Edward walked as if he did this all the time. Which he probably did because he'd said it was morning routine. "It's only Wednesday. Relax."

"So, where are we going?" I asked again, feeling a bit uneasy. I had no idea what we were doing out here, and Edward, ever the unpredictable spirit, was the only person within screaming distance. Not exactly a comforting thought.

"Hmmm," he paused and looked around. "Here's as good a place as any." He walked over to a tree and sat at the base, stretching out his long legs before him. I stood awkwardly for a moment and he was obviously amused by my discomfort. He gestured to the ground before him in mocking formality. "Step into my office, _Bella_." I walked toward him for a few steps then dropped down to the ground a few feet away, my knees pulling up a bit. I leaned back and rested my weight on my arms.

We sat in silence for a minute. I took in the dim forest surrounding us, well aware that he was staring at me in expectation. I'd never been the best at speaking thoughts I guarded so carefully, and it was taking forever to draw the words out.

"Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to enjoy the wilderness? I was under the impression you has something to say." He sounded mildly irritated and my eyes turned back to him.

"Give me a minute; we can't all be blessed with outstanding oral skills." The words were out before I thought them through and my face was on fire. Why, oh why, couldn't I be blessed enough to have trouble speaking _all_ my thoughts instead of some? The damage was done. Edward was in an irreversibly juvenile fit of laughter. All out, eyes scrunched up, falling-over-sideways laughter. I was contemplating how long it'd take me to bury a body out here. A six foot grave right where he sat howling with laughter. "I meant oration. Quit being so obnoxiously juvenile."

"You're right Bella, I apologize. We can't all be as gifted as me." He winked at me and reached into his pocket and pulled out something small and black. "I didn't mean to rush you. In fact, I have all day if you'd like. I just figured you'd want to get it over with and get to class. You don't strike me as the type that cuts classes."

"Further proof that you know nothing about me." He raised his eyebrows at me – whether in assent or challenge, I couldn't tell – before turning back to the object in his hand. It was a little case of some sort; he opened it and pulled out a tiny vial, something that looked like an ID, and a razor. The odd collection of seemingly random items didn't register with me until he started shuffling them around and I saw that the inside of the little case had a mirror. That's when it all kind of clicked. I'm pretty sure I was gaping like an idiot when the realization hit me.

But I wasn't an idiot. I knew people did this kind of stuff. Though there was hardly an influx of cocaine users within the city limits, Charlie was still well informed on the habits of all kinds of drug users just incase he crossed paths with one. Over the years those little bits and pieces of that knowledge trickled down to me. I couldn't help but idly wonder if my dad learned some of these facts about drug users from busting Edward; he was certainly displaying the textbook case of a cocaine user that Charlie had described to me. I also wondered what other kinds of things he was into.

So why was I so shocked, if I knew exactly what he was doing, as he crushed up a little white rock with the ID and scrapped it around the mirror with a razor? _Because I'd never actually seen this stuff happen._ It was surreal, like something you'd see in an episode of Law and Order, not like anything I'd expect to see on Wednesday morning before school started. He had prepped two long lines of powder and was clutching the mirror in his hand, moving carefully to reach into the pocket of his jeans. His looked up at me, catching the look on my face, his expression turned questioning.

"What, did you want a line?" His usual joking manner was gone, instead he seemed distracted. I shook my head, probably looking considerably freaked out because his mouth formed a silent 'oh'. He produced a small piece of plastic tubing from his pocket and settled back, looking at me wearily. "Do you mind? I mean is it okay if-"

"Oh! No. I mean, yeah its okay. Go ahead." I stammered trying to reign in my obvious astonishment. God, I sounded like a completely sheltered idiot. I leaned back into my arms further and tried not to gape so much.

I watched from the corner of my eye as he turned his attention back to the white lines. With obviously well practiced precision he sniffed the powder up through the little tube before leaning back and resting his head against the tree, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. He sniffed loudly and ran his finger over the surface of the mirror then rubbed his fingers across his gums.

"Why'd you do that? Rub it on your gums, I mean." I couldn't help my brazenly curious observation. He looked back up to me, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Waste not, want not." He looked down at the paraphernalia, carefully packing it away before placing the case and tube in his pocket. "You've had plenty of time to gather your thoughts. Now speak or I'm leaving." I glowered at him for a moment. He didn't look any different than he had before the drugs.

"Do you do the drugs because of your mom or your dad?" Low blow. I'm willing to admit it was probably way past any boundaries we may have after the handful of previous conversations we'd had. I was about to apologize for the unnecessary comment when he spoke up.

"I suppose a bit of both. That's kind of like one of those 'Which came first?' situations. I'd have to call it a draw." Needless to say, his openness in the face of my downright bitchy behavior was shocking. It made me feel even worse, probably as he'd intended it. Or maybe he was being straightforward, in light of my defensive tactics, to ease my discomfort. The latter was less likely than the former but neither would really surprise me. Either way it had the desired effect. I felt the need to reciprocate on the openness to make up for acting so rudely.

"I'm pretty sure my mom drinks because of my dad, but sometimes I worry it might be my fault too. Like you said: a draw." Just like that he'd gotten me to speak my mind. I dug my fingers into the damp forest floor, focusing my gaze on the upturned earth rather than Edward. I didn't want to see how he responded. Would he think I was being melodramatic and laugh in my face?

"I think the same thing with my dad. He started drinking after mom died, but I have no doubt in my mind that half the time he drinks because of me." He spoke as if it were some causal and well known fact. "Can't say I feel bad though. It's not my fault he doesn't know how to cope without the booze."

"And what about you? Your, uh, 'morning routine' isn't any better for coping."

"I never said it was." He leveled me with his gaze.

I simply nodded at his response and he let his head rest back on the trunk of the tree, his eyes closed. This was an experience different than anything I'd ever encountered. In my limited experience, therapists and counselors were just there to analyze. Not there to be friends. Not there to give you straight facts, but rather foster a sense of normal socially-accepted behavior. They weren't there to help you on a personal level. Edward was doing something so much more in that moment. He was showing me he was human.

"Does it help?" I wondered what it was like for him. His own father battled addiction and instead of being terrified of substance that crossed his path – like I myself was – he tossed caution to the wind and tried it all. I wondered if he felt free.

"Scores." He mumbled without opening his eyes. "You can't let the things your mom does affect how you live. If you let that dictate your life, you'll end up hating her for it. Hell, I think you already do."

"Shows what you know." I snapped. Where the hell did he get off saying shit like that? "I do not fucking hate my mother. I wish she wasn't the way she was, but that doesn't mean I hate her."

"Actually it does. You pretty much said it right there. You don't like her the way she is, you wish she was better. Sounds a lot like hate to me." He was looking at me again, head still resting back. I could feel my fists clenching dirt, leaves, and pine needles. I unclenched my hands and let the bits of earth fall back to the ground. "I saw the way you looked at her the other day. You wished you could just be rid of her. Not just because she was creating a scandal for the whole town to see, but rather for the fact that you were done with her. You looked fed up and I can't say I blame you."

"She's my mom though. You can't just be rid of family no matter what you want."

"Says who? Family is just family. You have no obligation to your parents just because they decided to have sex and you were a consequence." I shot him a particularly offended look and he rolled his eyes. "Or a gift. Whatever. Given your parents age, I'm sure you were a consequence. Just saying."

"Okay maybe you're right. But my mom is the kind of person that would abandon us, family or not. I want to be better than that."

"Your problem, Bella, is that you let everyone dictate your life for you. You are scared to step over any lines you've created in your head, that you think will make you walk the same path she did. In reality, it's just about strength. Just because she didn't learn from her mistakes or take responsibility for her fuck ups, doesn't mean you can't. Don't you want to be able to live your life without feeling like every wrong step you take is going to make you like her?"

I was struggling with all the things he was saying. He virtually a stranger, how the hell could he know this so well. How could he know, based on two weeks of acknowledging me, just what my greatest worries in life were?

"Your mom didn't end up where she is because she did too much, Bella. She obviously drinks because she's unhappy. She didn't do the things she wanted to do in life, she never took risks or made mistakes, therefore she never learned. The only way to avoid being like her is to do all the things you want. Be happy and make mistakes. Act without even thinking of her and I promise you'll be better off than she ever was."

The way he spoke was genuine. I had no doubt this was his own life experience he was lecturing me about. This was too personal; he was a stranger. I'd come to him to talk, not have him school me in what was wrong with my life. I couldn't look at him.

He was absolutely right.

"I don't know what I want to do." I sighed looking down at my dirt stained hands. All I'd ever done wass what I thought was right; everything I thought was going to make me turn out to _not_ be my mom. It could still happen. Edward started standing and brushing off his jeans. "What are you doing?"

"I figure we're done here for today." He started walking back toward the school while I scrambled to stand up. "Besides, I wouldn't want you to be too late for class."

"Wait." I bit my lip, not moving to follow him. He stopped and turned to look at me. "Are you not going?"

"Nope."

"Where _are_ you going to go then?" I was asking way too many questions.

"Not really sure at the moment." He shrugged. That arrogant façade that had been missing through the majority of our time in he forest was starting to make its reappearance. He widened his eyes in feigned horror. "Why, do _you_ not want to go to class?"

"Like I said, if you think I've never cut class for no reason, then you really know nothing about me." It felt like lying to say that now. Edward had displayed a terrifyingly accurate knowledge of the workings of my mind. It was truly unnerving to think he'd figured me out so easily when the workings of _his_ mind were completely unknown to me.

"You have a point there." He laughed under his breath. "You're welcome to tag along if you are going to be engaging in gratuitous abandonment of your scholarly responsibilities for the day. Just be aware of the fact that I don't slow down for anything or anyone."

"I think I'll manage." I rolled my eyes at his supposed 'reckless bravado'.

"I'm just warning you so you can't whine later." He smirked. He held his arm out in a mocking formal gesture. "Shall we?"

I glared at him as I moved cautiously around him, steering clear of his extended arm. Agreeing to this arrangement was going to be mistake number one that I made, that much was clear. Thankfully it was just for the day.


	6. Chapter 6: The Way the Water Tastes

**Happy Valentine's Day! If I had the money I'd buy each of my faithful readers and reviewers a massive box of Dove Truffles and one of those giant $40 teddy bears they have at Wal-Mart. Seriously, I love you guys like Edward loves sniffing Bella's clavicle.**

**Life has been crazy but I have a whole night off for a change! This chapter was supposed to be a lot longer but once I hit ten pages I figured I should split it, so the next chapter shouldn't take as long. I also have a rough outline for the chapter progression, which should help. I had too many boring shifts this week.**

**Chapter 6 is dedicated to Steph, my favorite person to sit in total silence with, and John Hensley's eyes.**

_**Disclaimer: None of it's mine.**_

_**

* * *

**_**Chapter 6 - The Way the Water Tastes  
**

After leaving the forest where he decided to 'allow' me to accompany him in cutting class, we walked to the parking lot. He had stopped at his car rather than continuing onto my truck. His intention didn't strike me at first.

"You can't be serious." I seemed to be saying things along those lines a lot in his presence, always doubting his sincerity despite the fact that he always followed through on a sincerely declared intention. He had yet to fall through on one of the things he had said he'd do. That was the first thing I learned about Edward Cullen; he was most definitely a man of his word when it mattered most. I wouldn't have guessed it.

"You just did drugs not even fifteen minutes ago and you think I'm going to get in a car with you in that kind of condition?"

"I've done this plenty of times, trust me. Just get in the car." He said opening the driver side door and leaning to get in. He froze and straightened, growing visibly agitated when he saw I had no intention of budging. "What? What?!? Just say it! Speak."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a dog," I laughed incredulously. "I'm not some stupid skank who jumps at your commands. You expect me to _trust_ you when you pretty much just confessed to driving under the influence 'all the time'? Hardly! My dad is the chief of police –"

"Yes, Bella, believe me when I say that I know _exactly_ who your father is as well as his chosen career path. No need to go flaunting that tidbit around." He rolled his eyes and leaned forward until his forearms were resting on the hood of his car. I floundered indignantly for a moment. _Flaunting_, ha! What the hell did he mean by that? I mean, I know what he meant, but how had he drawn that conclusion from my statement? He had no idea what I was going to say. Before I could rip him a new one he spoke again, he'd obviously seen my reaction to his taunt and was pleased with himself for having gotten to me once again. "Your father is the exact reason why I should be driving."

"Huh?" My intelligent retort was an indicator of just how dumbfounded I really was by his logic. He must have been more toasted than he let on if he thought that argument had any backing. Charlie should be reason number one why he wouldn't be caught dead driving a car, while high, with me in the passenger seat.

"Well I imagine you wouldn't want to spend the day in Forks while he or one of his cop buddies could be out patrolling." He looked at me for a moment waiting for me to agree. I tilted my head back in grudging assent. "Well we'd have to get out of town then. After the last drive in your car I doubt that death trap could make the journey there and back before school is out. Plus it'd take forever just to get out of town and Charlie would probably hear you driving around town during school hours. To top that off, you are absolutely crazy if you think I'm going to road trip in your scrap heap for hours on end and not getting to smoke in the car."

Fuck. I was starting to hate how he was virtually always right. Even when he wasn't as sober as me, he still had better mental functionality than I did. He'd probably be downright intimidating were he sober.

"What makes you think I want to be subjected to hours of second hand smoke?" It was the only complaint I could find and I was certainly not ready to back down. He looked completely aggravated, as much as I felt. He shook his head, beginning to duck into the car again before he stopped and straightened to face me.

"Fine. Don't come. Scamper off to class like a good girl. You won't get in too much trouble for being late. I, however, don't have time to sit around and argue about this and risk getting busted. There's a whole world out there to see and you are just wasting my time right now." He dipped into the car and slammed his door. I couldn't help but feel hurt in the face of his tangent. Absurd, I know, but no one needed to be told they were wasting someone else's time. I brushed off the ridiculous offense, writing it off as the effects of the coke. He hadn't been this irritable in any of our other encounters. In fact, those other times, he'd been obnoxiously friendly and mellow, even when he bitched me out for being prejudiced against him.

I made a snap decision, tearing the door open as his engine started and dropped down into the passenger seat. He didn't look over at me, just glared temperamentally at the dash. I sat awkwardly as he backed out of the parking spot and started to exit the parking lot. I saw my truck out of the corner of my eye and groaned.

"Regretting your decision? Not too late to turn back." He muttered, eyes locked on the road.

"No," I growled at him. "I just realized my car is going to sit there all day when I'm clearly not there."

"There are plenty of other cars, and while your truck may be a monstrosity, it blends in well with that lot. You need to relax, Bella. Stop stressing so much about consequences of minor things. This isn't life or death."

"Yes, you keep saying crap like that. It's just not that easy." I snapped.

"Whatever." He mumbled under his breath. "You're far too egotistical you know that?" A very unattractive bark of laughter escaped my mouth before I could stop that.

"Maybe. There's no way I'm worse than you though." I eyed him in amused disbelief as he drove.

"Maybe," he mocked. "but I don't think that just because I ditched one day, everyone in the fucking school will notice and rat on me. The majority of us teenagers are too wrapped up in our own little drama filled bubbles to notice the absence of the non-key players in the drama; you and I are a perfect example of that."

"Yeah, but apparently I am the key-player in someone else's little drama at the moment." I sighed turning my head toward the window. "Crowley has been running his mouth off about you talking to me. I think he'll notice at the very least. He's in three of my classes."

"Shit." He breathed and shot a quick glance at me. "How do you know?"

"Charlie, of all people, confronted me about it. He didn't name names, but it was either him or Alice and I _know_ Alice wouldn't do that shit."

"And you're absolutely certain on that? She is quite the gossip."

"She already got her say; she won't go behind my back." I snapped defensively. Alice was a good person; he didn't know a thing about her.

"It's pretty fucking weird how you're talking to all these people about me." His tone was wistful, definitely hiding his thoughts about the matter. "Am I really such a bad guy or are they just that overprotective?"

"They're just worried about me." I growled. "You do have quite the reputation. I just pray no one notices your absence, or if they do, that they don't connect the dots."

"I ditch school. It's what I do. Believe me no one's going to think twice about it. Hell they probably don't even notify Carlisle anymore." He shrugged as I groaned.

"Aw, shit. They're going to call Charlie. What the fuck will I say to him?" I ran my hands over my face. This was definitely my first fucking mistake alright. Following some coke fiend on a half-baked road trip to God Only Knows Where without thinking through the consequences. Not to mention that I was starting to notice that said coke fiend was starting to drive like a fucking maniac as he talked. I snapped my eyes shut; a fatal fucking first mistake.

"You need a good excuse Bella." He ran a hand roughly along his jaw. "Tell him…tell him you needed to get away. Too much gossip at school so you took a mental health day." I raised my eyebrows skeptically at him. "What? It's a damn good excuse. He'd have to be a total hard ass to punish you for that. Despite his status and authority, he doesn't strike me as a hardcore douche. He's a fair guy."

"Wow, never would have thought I'd hear that coming from the person at the top of his Most Wanted list." I muttered crossing my arms over my chest. "You clearly don't know Charlie. And for the sake of my sanity would you slow down and at least _pretend_ you know how to drive?"

"God you're such a woman." He rolled his eyes and slowed the car down. He started making exaggerated gestures as he drove but I didn't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging the attempt at irritating me. "Fucking passenger seat driver." He muttered under his breath. Almost too quiet, but not quiet enough for me to miss.

We slipped into an extended silence that was only broken every so often for polite chatter, or for me to bitch him out about blowing his cigarette smoke in my face.

In the end Edward was right, the drive to Port Angeles was a lot quicker in his car, however it was the longest hour of my life. He drove like we were in a stolen car; I was panicking the whole drive over his speeding and sharp turns. At some points I was positive he'd wrap the speedy little Volvo around a few trees that lined the highway but he never did. When the drive was over, the very small contemptuous part of my brain almost wished he had crashed just so I could say I told you so. The rest of my brain was more than eager to just hop out of the car and thank every star hidden in the daylight – or rather cloud cover; I'm not sure the sun was ever hovering over the Northwest – for making the trip unharmed.

That is until I saw where we were parked. The sign read _The Liquor Tree_ in tasteless neon green, with a drawing of one of those Charlie Brown Christmas Trees sprouting liquor bottles.

Cute.

I turned my best murderous gaze on Edward and he merely narrowed his eyes back.

"What are we doing here, Edward?" I spit the emphasis on his name. He straightened up and squared his shoulders. His chin tipped back a bit, taking on an intimidating stance. Normal people would be going into a defensive mode, or at the very least confusion. I threw up an almost instantaneous offense. It flipped like a switch and I was ready to cut him down the second he toed a line.

"You're going to face your demons. Or rather, your mother's." He appraised my face with a mask of unrelenting intimidation. I wasn't going to back down because he was making scary faces at me. "Go in there and buy some booze."

"Hell no." _Hell_ _no_. The words repeated over and over in my mind, louder with every pass, for an extended moment. It took a minute for me to pick one protest to start with of the overwhelming multitude that flooded my mind. "How in the hell does getting drunk solve a fucking thing? I can't even _buy_ booze? I don't have a fake ID like _some_ people. We're in Port Fucking Angeles of all places and I certainly don't trust you to not take advantage of me when I'm drunk in some –"

His laughter cut me off.

"What?! What is so fucking funny, Edward?" I blew up at him. He was really pissing me off, just assuming I wanted to go anywhere near a drink.

"I'm definitely not going to take advantage of you. I may be high, and I may do stupid things on a near daily basis, but getting Chief Swan's daughter wasted and taking advantage of her in the same day would be a measure of severe mental damage." He calmed his laughter and got out of the car walking toward the trunk. I wasn't finished with this argument yet. I opened my door and followed him.

"What are you doing?" I snapped. I was probably being unnecessarily bitchy, but it felt justified in my mind. He was rooting around a box in the trunk. He pulled out something medium sized and tossed them at me. I caught them with a bit of difficulty, they were kind of heavy.

"Edward…" I looked from the pair of strappy black heels up at his profile as he slammed his trunk. "Why do you have a pair of heels in your trunk? Emergency stash in case there's a surprise Charity Drag Ball?"

"No," he sighed obviously ignoring my quips. Sometimes I swore he knew that his honesty irked me more than snide banter. He leaned against the trunk, crossing his arms over his chest. "Stuff happens in a car, sometimes it's too dark and the chicks too wasted to find all of her clothes. After a while I just let it build up in the trunk and when one of them leaves something behind, I give it to the next girl to forget something, and hers will replace it in the trunk when I find it. The cycle is self-sustaining really."

"Oh, god that is fucking gross. You let me sit in that car for _how _long without informing me of the deviant acts you committed in there?" I could feel my stomach churn and I felt like chucking the heels back at him, but I was still too confused as to why I was holding them. "What am I supposed to do with some hooker's shoes? They aren't even my size. Not even close."

"Put them on Bella, you're going into that store and you're going to _charm_ the gentleman behind the counter into not carding you." I gaped at his response. Wow, he really was fucking certifiable.

"Edward, you're out of your mind." I shook my head slowly, trying to gather my thoughts. "How do you even know it will be a guy? Besides, I'm sixteen; I look way too young to be buying cough syrup let alone alcohol!"

"Jesus, Bella do you have to ask so many fucking questions?" He let his head drop back in what was probably supposed to be a gesture of utter frustration. "Just trust me on this, please. Put the fucking shoes on, walk through the fucking doors, grab some booze, and when you go to pay, flirt a bit, maybe pop a button or two on your shirt and you're golden."

I glowered at him, hoping that I could break him without words. The boy had some kind of Jedi Mind Barrier thing going on. He was completely impervious to my attempts at intimidation and after a minute or two I just started aggressively kicking off my shoes and sliding my foot into the clown-sized slut heels. Who did these things belong to, Paris fucking Hilton?

"Money," I approached him holding my hand out.

"Honey, you haven't done anything to earn it." He gave me a half smirk and I rolled my eyes, resisting the urge to punch him in the stomach and take the money like an elementary school bully.

"I'm not paying for shit I don't even want in the first place. My money's way too hard earned to blow on shit like this. I bet you don't have to do a fucking thing to earn yours." Something flashed through his eyes. The rest of his face kept the same arrogant smirk, but that flicker had left a haunting apparition, he looked incredibly angry now. Some cross between guarded, dangerous, and hostile. I kept my eyes locked on his and didn't even notice him pull out a wallet and place a twenty in my hand.

"Don't spend it all in one place, Isabella." He said softly, a complete contradiction of what I saw with the flicker into the inner workings of his mind. The way he shut things on and off…it was too much. I turned away.

My normally ungainly pace was slowed to a downright stumbling clattering mess, but I forced confidence into every inch of my body. If I could do this, maybe I'd feel better. I don't know what kind of logic I was running on, but as long as I didn't dwell on reason too much, I was certain I could make it through this.

I stepped through the doors to the sound of an annoying electronic chime. I slowed my gait so I appear somewhat less clumsy. The store was empty except for a short man with long thinning hair standing behind the counter pouring through a magazine.

"Welcome to Liquor Tree," he mumbled without looking up.

"Hello." The word definitely sounded self conscious but his head snapped up nonetheless. His eyes flickered for a minute and I felt the urge to punch him boil up out of nowhere. I also wanted to tell him to cut his hair, he'd be better off with a comb over at this point. Instead of doing anything that would hinder my mission, I ignored him entirely and shuffled toward an aisle at random.

It all looked the same. Glass bottles – some vibrant, some not – all filled with liquid. I couldn't see the appeal, yet I knew all about them. Mommy's good friend Jose staring me in the face. Triple Sec was a few shelves down and over. There was a variety of vodka that would make Renee drool.

My stomach started churning. Forcing my eyes away, I tried to focus on anything unfamiliar. Jameson's Whiskey. Mom had never been a whiskey person.

I grabbed a bottle off the shelf and paused for a moment to grudgingly take Edward's advice and undo the top button of my shirt before turning to the front of the store. I was doing my best to saunter as I approached the counter when I heard the electronic chime signaling the door. My gaze was pulled to the door in sheer terror, thinking there was some kind of raid.

It was worse. Edward was making his way toward the small selection of magazines by the register. Sonofabitch.

I tried not to glare at him, turning instead to the cashier. Resolve settled over me and I put on the prettiest smile I could manage. He still hadn't looked up so I figured I would have to take the initiative.

"Hi." I could really wow people with words sometimes, I tell you. I had no idea what I was doing. I was in over my head. I was drowning in the ocean of my inexperience and a million other clichéd statements along the lines of "I'm a sheltered child and I'm totally fucked right now." The man looked up again and his eyes flickered over me once more. This close I could see they were a light, almost clear hazel color. He may have been ugly as sin but his eyes were pretty. I tried to focus on that factor and act like I was even remotely interested.

"Find everything okay, miss?" He stretched and stood from his stool behind the counter. This was where I started to panic. What came next? What did I say? I chose to keep the smile on.

"I sure did, this store seems to have everything I'm looking for right here." Wow, Bella, that was unbelievably lame. Did Edward just chuckle? Bastard. He's dead when I get out of here. I snapped my focus back into place. I had to do this for…some reason. It was getting harder to remember any kind of logic when engaging in illicit activities.

"You must be from out of town," the man's lips had turned up in an ugly sneering grin. I think that meant the corniest line to ever slip out of my mouth had actually worked? Some guys really are sleazy suckers. "What are you in town for?"

"Just needed a break. Work is…" I let out a shuttering breath and placed the Whiskey on the counter between us. It wasn't even feigned. I was terrified a SWAT team, or worse, Charlie, would burst in and drag me out of the store any second. "Well, it's work. I don't think any break would ever be long enough."

"Amen to that." He scanned the bottle and punched something on the keypad. The moment of truth was coming any second now. He'd ask for my ID. I had failed. I was going to prison. "Maybe I could get your number. I could show you how to take a break the right way."

Gross. At this point I was pretty much willing to do whatever to get through this transaction.

"Sure, got a pen?" He slid a mangled pen across the counter toward me. I grabbed a bright orange flyer sitting in a sloppy heap beside the till and jotted down Charlie's work number with almost no hesitation before slid it across to him giving a demure smile. "Just be sure to ask for Bella and let them know you saw me in Port Angeles. Just don't say where; wouldn't want co-workers thinking I'm a lush."

"You bet," he gave the ugly sneer again and I felt my stomach churn. Charlie would put this sleaze bag in his place. "That'll be fifteen eighty-eight, sweetheart."

I nodded and handed him the bill Edward had given me. Suddenly everything was swimming to the tune of shame or guilt or something else entirely. I had just lied and manipulated my way into a bottle of booze. I was Renee Incarnate. I was going to be sick.

I was vaguely aware of a grimy hand placing some change into my out stretched hand. I clenched my hand into a tight fist around the bills and coins and muttered a goodbye before bolting from the store.

"Miss!" the cashier's voice was just as ugly and annoying as the electronic door chime that nearly drowned out his call. I heard Edward's melodic voice murmuring something to the man as the door swung shut.

My mind was spinning. Street traffic was a chaotic composition of cars, shouts, music, and machinery threatening to peel my skull like an orange. I stumbled into Edward's car, my hip bumping the side view mirror. My hands flew up to my ears and I leaned on the hood of the Volvo.

"Bella," Edward's voice sounded behind me. I straightened up and turned to face his bewildered face. He looked almost concerned. "What the fuck was that?"

"Nothing, Edward." I forced a grin, knowing I didn't even look like I meant it. "Told you I could do it; I got the booze."

"Oh is that so?" Both eyebrows shot up and he held his hand up. "Because it looks like _I_ actually have the booze. Part of the challenge was actually walking out of the store with the booze, not just giving away my cash. Fuck Bella, I'm not running a charity."

"Shit," I frowned. The stupid heels were killing my feet after being on for all of ten minutes. I leaned down and pulled at the straps until they both came off. "It was a stupid challenge, Edward. Get over it."

"I'm not disagreeing with you on that. But what just happened back there, that's not normal, Bella."

"How? I just broke the law for the first time in my life. Of course I freaked out." A lie of course, but he didn't need to know that. This was the first time I'd broken the liquor buying law, still a first in my life so what I said was more of a half truth. I turned toward the door again expectantly. I heard his keys clinking and his footsteps around the car.

"That's not what I meant." He unlocked the car and looked up at me with his eyes narrowed before ducking into the car. I followed suit and he continued speaking as I put on my seatbelt. "That shit with your mom, it obviously runs deep. It was after the lying, after the doing whatever to get your way that you freaked out. Did you really give him your number?"

"Fuck no." I snapped trying to block the words he'd said before that. If I didn't acknowledge them they wouldn't stick, right? "I gave him Charlie's line at the department."

"That's pretty devious of you, Swan." He shook his head and gave a low laugh handing me the bottle in his hand.

"Why did you go in? Didn't trust me to get the job done?" The question had sprung up again and I was desperate to dodge the topic of my mini-freak out. He turned the keys in the ignition and in an almost blindingly fast movement he shifted into reverse.

"Like I'd miss out on the potential embarrassment." His arm snaked around my seat's headrest as he looked over his shoulder to ease the car out of the parking spot. I groaned at the realization of just what he'd witnessed. He'll never let me live this down.

"Fantastic. I'm glad that I, awkward little Bella Swan, could amuse you, Edward Drunk Debonair Cullen, with my highly embarrassing and amusing failed attempts at flirting with an ugly liquor store cashier."

"On the contrary, Bella." The car slowed and his head turned toward the windshield, shifting into drive. He shot me a glance then gave an almost serious half-smirk. "I think you are a force to be reckoned with. It was disturbing watching sophomore Bella Swan turn into Isabella Swan, a black widow ensnaring some unsuspecting yokel into her beautiful, tightly woven web."

I chewed the inside of my cheek. Was he fucking with me or being serious? I honestly couldn't tell. I suddenly didn't want to be on this topic either. I locked my eyes on the windshield as we began pulling out of the parking lot. He turned right instead of left, which would have taken us back to the highway. Diversion topic found.

"Where are we going?"

"While this trip was intended as leisure, I should really see to a bit of business while we are in the area." I felt my anxiety sky rocket. Edward's definition of "business" was probably nothing even remotely legal. "Don't worry though, Bella, I won't make you do the work on this. This isn't the kind of stuff amateurs can just step into without getting burned."

I was beginning to think the same could be said about everything in Edward's world.


	7. Chapter 7: Can We Go Home Now?

**Thank you so very much to those taking the time to read and especially to those who review. All the encouragement makes me so excited to keep this going! Normally I wouldn't update on a Lost night, but since the site was being lame, the chapter was delayed in getting out and I wanted to put this up as soon as I could.**

**I have been asked (I think once) if we'd see any of Edward's perspective. I'll say upfront that you won't see it on this story because I think it would detract from the flow. Right now Bella is learning to interpret him for herself and if we knew all of his actions, it would probably take away from the story and his character in her eyes. That's not to say that you won't see it because some snippets of Edward's perspective do exist and maybe eventually I'll slap them together and pop them into a typical attachment of one shots.**

**Chapter 7 is dedicated to Steph who, of course, is amazing or whatever and Benry who is a badass. (Sorry, but it's Wednesday!)**

**This chapter contains naughty behavior. Don't do drugs, drugs are bad. Also, don't lie to your parents, they always know the truth…or at least most of it. Everyone gets caught eventually.**

**Sorry for the long note. I hate doing that. I'll refrain in the future.**

_**Disclaimer: None of it's mine.**_

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Can We Go Home Now?**

An alley.

That's where Edward was going. To an alley. Seriously, it doesn't get more clichéd than "conducting business" in an alley.

We pulled off the street and I had to say, as far as alleys go, this one seemed pretty nice. Not that I go to many alleys, they're just typically portrayed as narrow, dirty, dark, dank, hobo infested crevices in the city. This one was wide enough for cars to park, and there were a lot of people walking around, apparently using the back entrances to various businesses in the immediate area. The hampered sun even filtered in enough to light up the space.

Edward put the car in park along the side of a brick building; so close I couldn't get out without having to climb the center console and going through the driver side door. I tried to push back the sick feeling creeping through my torso. I had no idea where we were going and apparently Edward didn't want me to escape.

My mind ran through the drive to our current location. It had been completely uncomfortable, dead silence as he drove. The only time the silence was broken was when Edward made a phone call, the conversation lasted for exactly nine words – no more, no less. "Hey, where are you?" Pause. Inaudible chatter through the earpiece. "I'm on my way." Pause. More chatter. "Yeah." Click. The end. It seems Edward could be a man of few words when the situation called for it, who would have guessed? Not me, and I certainly wished I'd gotten to know the Edward of few words.

Edward shut the car off and in one of those weird oddly synchronized moments that occur in the universe, a door across the alley from the Volvo burst open with enough force to hit the brick wall it was attached to with an echoing bang. In that unmarked doorway stood Mike Newton.

"Eddie!" His arms threw out wide as if this alley were a home he was welcoming Edward into. He jogged lightly over to the side door and I could feel my skin burning at the sight of him.

Mike Newton. Reigning golden boy of Forks. Very much Edward's opposite in everyway. Where Edward made girls want to drop their underwear with a lingering gaze, Mike made them swoon with a boyish and sweet smile. Mike was adored by authority figures while Edward frequented the collective shit list of every adult in Forks. Mike was the kind of guy you'd have romantic daydreams about, full blown meeting-the-parents, wedding type shit. Edward was the kind of guy most girls dreamt about having all kinds of obscenely dirty and scandalous sex with in semi-public places.

The shit about Edward was common knowledge; girls didn't go to Edward for relationships, I had never heard of him being in one. Mike…well, he even held my girlish fancy for the duration of my freshman year, until I realized that the difference between the Mike Newton in my head and the real thing was starkly different. When it came down to it, Edward and Mike were of the very same species; teenage boy.

"My, my! Cullen's got himself a new flavor of the day. Shocker." Mike chuckled to himself as he leaned down into the window Edward had rolled down. His eyes flickered over me and my face burned. Sure, my infatuation with him was done, but nothing has changed with his looks. Still a gorgeous boy, if not a little typical. "No offense, honey, but you don't look like you're exactly his speed. You're far too sweet for the likes of Cullen."

"Hardly." Edward scoffed under his breath. I glared daggers at him. He doesn't think I'm sweet? He can fuck right off, then. "I need my half, Newton."

"Chill, Cullen, I've got it right here." He pulled back from the window a bit and reached into his pocket, before returning to his previous stance with a plastic bag clutched in his hand. Edward started counting bills that I hadn't seen him take out. I must have been more focused on Mike than I thought. I tried to shake my thoughts, so I took in the scene before me, but it was difficult when Mike had turned his attention back to me. "Just a warning, honey, don't let him sink his claws in too deep. There's no telling where his… uh…_claws_ have been."

He raised his eyebrows suggestively and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Edward was looking increasingly annoyed and I certainly didn't want to have to walk home for something as stupid as laughing at something so completely true.

"Cut your shit, Newton," Edward growled, shoving the stack of bills at Mike who grabbed them, licked his thumb and began counting in what even I could see, was a blatant show of distrust. After a moment he lightly tossed the plastic sack at Edward and, without the obstruction of his hand, I could clearly see what the lingering smell in the car had already told me. Pot; it wasn't cocaine; I was relieved a bit, I guess. "Wouldn't want you misleading Little Red Riding Hood here into believing you were anything less than what you are. Honey, I could tell you stories about our boy here that could make your toes curl."

Now it wasn't just Edward who was getting annoyed. I was sick of the implication that just because I was younger, I was naïve and sheltered. I mean, I was pretty naïve and pretty sheltered, but that doesn't mean I hadn't dipped my toes in a little bit of sin myself. I figured Edward was feeling pretty ganged up on, so I figured now would be the time to cut him a bit of slack.

"I highly doubt that," I let my eyes roll as if I didn't feel the slightest bit of nervous energy rolling through my limbs. "And if you call me 'honey' one more time, I'm going to get out of this car and tear your balls off, _honey_."

Mike's eyes widened a bit before he burst into laughter.

"Is that so?" Edward was holding back his own laughter now. Assholes.

"No." I said firmly and Mike's laughter calmed a bit. I could see I had his attention now. "Come to think of it, given the stories I've been told about you, you'd consider that foreplay. I guess I'll have to focus on your jugular, then."

Mike shook his head, laughter dying out but the amusement still blazing in his eyes.

"What's your name, kid?" Kid was better than honey, but not by much.

"Bella Swan." I smirked, watching the recognition settle over his face. The amusement in his eyes extinguished and they narrowed as they flickered between Edward and myself. Obviously paranoia and distrust. He looked freaked out.

"Shit." He swore softly, turning to Edward as he spoke. "Bella Swan, as in, Police Chief Swan's sixteen year old daughter?"

"In the flesh." I offered but his eyes stayed locked on Edward. His head shook slowly from side to side, almost in disbelief.

"Cullen, you are either the dumbest fucker I've ever met or the most brilliant." They glared at each other for a second longer before Mike turned on his heel and walked back through the unmarked door without a farewell.

"That has yet to be determined." Edward muttered as he started the engine.

"Shit, are we going to the pier?"

I couldn't help the feeling of excitement that coursed through me. The Port Angeles City Pier held a lot of my better childhood memories. The sights and smells of the pier would take me back to those day trips to the city that was a world away from tiny Forks. Mom would be sober for the most part and sometimes the Blacks would join us. Having Jacob and his twin sisters along always increased the fun. There would be ice cream and sand castle building in the summer and even though the winters were freezing we couldn't resist chasing the waves in our jackets and then running away when they began to lap at the toes of our shoes.

As I got older, the visits kind of tapered off, but whenever we were in Port Angeles, the pier was always on the itinerary and good times were always had. It was impossible to be unhappy there.

"Well actually, I was planning on driving right past the pier and straight into the ocean. Sounds like fun, right?" While his eyes didn't roll, it was implied in his tone.

"Your biting sarcasm has no affect on me whatsoever when I am going to such a sacred place, Eddie." I was positively giddy as he pulled up to the pier parking.

"You consider the Port Angeles Pier sacred?" I could hear the mocking in his tone. "Clearly, you have low standards."

"I have a lot of good memories here." I sniffed in mock offense. He was just being an elitist asshole; did I expect any less of him? Never. "Besides, it's the ocean; it connects us to everything in the world, Edward. I like the ocean so my standards are _low_?"

"Well that and you like Mike Newton. Two for two, Swan, two for two."

"Excuse me, but I do not like Mike Newton. Even if I did, you clearly need to reexamine your definition of low standards."

"The only thing lower than liking Newton would be liking a professional wrestler. Tell me, Bella, how do you feel about John Cena? The Rock?"

"I have no idea who John Cena is and the Rock is hilarious when he acts, whether it's intended hilarity or not." I rolled my eyes. "And you're wrong, there's another level lower than professional wrestler. That level would consist of you."

"Ouch, Isabella, that hurts." He looked hurt, but he was just acting. I think. He didn't strike me as the type to take offense to teasing. "I think I'm a perfectly respectable choice. You can't judge the level of quality unless you've tried it out for yourself, which is why you can't dub the Port Angeles Pier something sacred. There are far more worthy places in the world."

"Yeah ,well, we aren't all as well traveled as you. This place was my first taste of freedom from Forks. It'll always hold a special place in my heart. What are we doing hear anyway?"

Edward leaned closer to me. I stiffened and…what the _fuck_? Was my heart racing? Hell fucking no. Maybe I had a heart defect I never knew about. Yeah, that was it. I was not responding to Edward, I was responding to a potentially deadly heart failure of some sort. Seemed likely enough.

Through my panicking dismissal of my response to not-Edward, he leaned closer and closer and then popped the glove box until it bumped into my knees. The heart racing stopped or calmed in favor of hot blood rushing through my veins with a burst of anger.

The asshole was doing that on purpose to get a rise out of me. Well it wouldn't work, I was too busy dealing with a heart palpitation of some kind to notice his green eyes and the faint shadow of stubble, and his…boy smell. He can take all his charm and shove it up his ass. I'd take a dive off the pier in the middle of the October chill before his lame voodoo would work on me.

Either way, it was probably best for me to not look at him. I focused on the glove box as he pulled out a large pill shaped something, roughly the size of my hand. Fucking druggies had too many weird containers for paraphernalia. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this one probably contained something to smoke the weed in. As soon as he shifted the container to his other hand he leaned back to close the glove box but I reached down and forcefully slammed it shut. He laughed under his breath; I turned to push my door open. Dick.

"Wait, Bella. I've got to pack it in here, then we go. Too windy on the coast to load a bowl on the beach." I glowered at him and turned to face forward in my seat. I watched once again as he prepped his drugs. I wondered if he'd offer me some again and I wondered how I'd turn him down, or, _if_ I'd turn him down again. I was pretty sure he wouldn't judge me if I did, but did I want to? Coke was one thing; I couldn't just pick it up in an instant, but weed? Everyone did it once, maybe the time had come for me to do it my one time. It sure would be nice to do something that wrong for once.

Apparently hanging out with Edward severely impaired my comprehension of right and wrong. As it so happened, he did ask and I did accept. At first he was hesitant to actually let me, he thought I was just trying to impress him, but I assured him nothing could be further from the case. I was making mistakes.

He hadn't laughed when I said I hadn't done it before, he just gave me pointers. We walked along the waterfront jogging trail and discreetly smoked away the weed in his pipe. The feel of wandered childhood stomping grounds blended beautifully with the affects of the pot, leaving me feel as light as a cloud drifting along the waterline. I felt at ease as Edward and I (probably more _I_ than _Edward_) reminisced and reflected on life.

We drifted toward the deserted viewing tower and climbed the stairs. We sat on the benches and watched the waves as Edward rolled a joint, which turned out to be easier to get the hang of smoking than the pipe. I just had to draw on the time after Jakes older sister Rebecca started smoking and he dared me to steal one and smoke it. The pot smoke was a bit easier to breathe.

While the teasing never stopped, we talked a lot. It was the most I'd talked to a guy since Jake and I had our 'falling out'. It didn't feel like regular, angry, boring Bella and he didn't act like arrogant, irritating, rude Edward. Instead it was Bella and Edward; kids acting like kids. High as kites, sure, but that's what kids did.

By the time the shadows started stretching behind, us as noon passed into the afternoon, we trooped up the pier to the car. Everything was different, everything had changed. Edward didn't feel like a means to an end any more, but something akin to a friend, and I think he felt something like that too.

"Bella, you're so different from the other kids in Forks," he shook his head as he navigated the highway back to Forks, my qualms with his driving-while-high style were long forgotten in a chronic haze.

"Thanks, I've always wanted to be a freak." I tried to sound sarcastic but ended up giggling as I drew my feet until I was sitting on them in my chair. "I guess you're pretty different too. Hey, I know!"

"Know what?" He looked away from the road to give me a look. I waved his gaze back to the window and he only rolled his eyes before complying.

"We should hang out more." I shook my head and leaned back into the seat.

"Oh, I see," Edward sighed. "You get a taste of marijuana and now you want to exploit our non-existent friendship for all the pot you can get?"

"Yeah, _sure_," this time I was able to roll my eyes with the right follow through of no giggling or laughter of any kind. "Seriously, you've made me feel better. I'm not ready to walk away from feeling better just yet."

"Understandable," he murmured. We didn't look at each other for the rest of the drive and nothing else was said. I'd already said far more than I wanted to, or should have said, today. We pulled up at the empty school parking lot, well after school had let out.

"I'll see you real soon, Bella." Was all he said as I stepped out of the car. He drove away before I could even consider a response. I climbed into my truck, already feeling the joy of the day drain from my every movement. Back home to real life, where mom would be a wreck and dad would be distant. Oh, the joys of returning to honest living.

I had just settled down in the living room, ready to take a bite of a hot pocket fresh out of the microwave when I heard tires in the driveway. Charlie was home. Grabbing the nearest textbook I flipped open to a page at random pretending to be absorbed. I took a quick bite of the hot pocket -- that smelled like heaven -- and paused mid-chew when I heard the door squeak as it opened. Heavy footsteps – heavier than normal. The bit of food in my mouth was scalding hot and I was panicking. Sucking in as much air as I could to cool the burning in my mouth was doing little to mellow my frantic fear; I started to feel like I was hyperventilating.

Heavy footsteps are bad. Heavy footsteps headed toward the living room where I normally sat to do homework rather than up the stairs to confront Renee meant bad things were coming my way. I set the hot pocket down carefully and sat up trying to appear fully engrossed in the textbook.

"Isabella Marie Swan," the voice came from the entrance to the living room and I looked up knowing full well the face I'd see before my gaze met the enraged sight of Charlie. For a second I considered grabbing the hot pocket and chucking the pepperoni and cheese lava grenade at him so I could make my escape, but that was just enraging the bull. That and the scalding snack smelled fantastic. I let it sit and awaited the wrath, knowing exactly what was coming my way. "Why did I get a call from your school wondering where you were today?"

"I'm not sure, maybe they didn't turn in the attendance sheets properly?" Denial was my best method for the moment.

"Okay," he didn't sound convinced in the slightest, I was a terrible liar when it came to direct confrontation with Charlie. It was like he had some kind of military grade interrogation methods or something. He rivaled Alice in that department. "Why did you just get home?"

"I didn't, I was-" I stopped midsentence when I saw the look on his face. I'd said something wrong and he'd caught me in my lie. Damn, I should have said I went by Alice's, or the diner on Main, or the bank, or _anywhere_ but here. Too late to back peddle, so I waited for him to show his hand.

"Don't lie to me, young lady, your engine's still warm." I just nodded my head in assent as I shut my textbook and set it on the table. "Bella, why didn't you go to school today? You better have a good excuse."

His words triggered the memory of what Edward had told me earlier in the Volvo. _It's a damn good lie_. And it was. My reasoning for not wanting to lie at the time seemed foolproof, but I was definitely not against using his lie to get myself out of the tight spot I was currently in.

"It was just…" I looked down trying my best too look downtrodden. "I couldn't face the other kids at school again. It was so humiliating what happened with Renee the other day. Yesterday was horrible. I just couldn't do it again."

"Oh, Bells," I looked up and Charlie's face was twisted with parental concern and blatant discomfort at the display of emotion. "Honey, you should have said something, I wouldn't have…I could have called the school for you at least. Next time you need a break tell me _before_ you just go skipping out on school. I mean, what did you _do _all day if you weren't here?"

"Uhhh," I cleared my throat trying to buy time as I attempted to extract a believable lie from my brain. I tried to force more of the sadness into place; it seemed to keep him from asking too many questions. "I went down to La Push to see if Jacob was around, but I forgot he was in school so I just kind of hung out on the beach and thought about stuff."

Definitely a lie. I wouldn't go looking for Jacob Black to talk to about local gossip. Way too much history there, but Charlie was none the wiser on that topic, so it worked well enough for a lie. After all, he still thought Jake and I were all buddy-buddy.

"Hmm," He shook his head and turned toward the kitchen; I held my breath. Please buy it, please buy it, _please_. "Just _tell_ me next time, Bells."

Thank god for this town's police chief being a little more than ignorant in the ways of teenage girls.


	8. Chapter 8: How Many More Times

**Once again thank you to my readers and reviewers. I've hit triple digits in reviews and I'm over the moon! Still Being was also nominated for a Member Award in the Best Human FanFiction Category on the epic Edward/Bella LJ community, Lion_Lamb. I couldn't believe I got put into the same Category as so many phenomenal writers and actually got votes. Again, over the moon, seriously.**

**I got the first chapter posted over at Twilighted as well, for those of you who love reading fic on that site.**

**Not much else to say. Forecast predicting heavy topics in your near future. Nothing out of the norm! This chapter is dedicated to Steph – partner in immaturity – and hot vocals having sex with sexy guitar riffs to birth beautiful timeless music.**

_**Disclaimer: None of it's mine.**_

* * *

**Chapter 8 - How Many More Times**

Wednesday at school dragged like no other and Thursday was pure torture. Friday I was brain dead. After having such a freeing day of recklessness I was itching for more. I had never realized the monotony my daily life consisted of. Day in, day out, I wanted nothing more than to change it. Breaking routine seemed to preoccupy my every thought.

Edward had been at school, but given our varied schedules, I only saw him twice a day. Once before my Spanish class, we'd pass each other in the hall and during lunch I'd see him across the room. No words were said and neither of us paused in our step. The only acknowledgement came in that brief passing in the hall where Edward would give me one of his lazy half grins and nod his head slightly in the universal guy speak for "sup".

Being of the female persuasion, my mind was prone to overanalyzing every moment of it. Did this mean we were friends now? If so, why didn't he say anything to me when there were so many chances inside and outside of school? Was it because he didn't want to be seen talking to a lowly plain sophomore such as myself, or did he think I didn't want to talk to him and he was only acting on what he believed to be my wishes? I was horribly confused but able to overlook my own curiosity for the most part.

Things at home were progressing in something that could only be described as a nose dive. Charlie and Renee were fighting at almost every pass and I'd become a virtual recluse; spending every night locked up out of the way in my room. My cheap little iPod earbuds did little to cover the sounds of hatred and rage.

By the time I got home on Friday evening I was praying that Alice would call and decide to have a random makeover sleepover or invite me out to shop the next day. I needed out of the house before I did something regrettably stupid. I had just settled into my math text when the undercurrent of screaming voices disappeared beneath my music. Silence for the first time in days, only marred by the way the floor seemed to pound with footsteps. I yanked the earbuds out of my ears and stood from the floor of my room, my notebook falling from my lap scattering loose paper as it landed awkwardly open on the floor.

I didn't know what to do. Were they coming to me? They usually kept it downstairs under the pretense of keeping me out of it; I couldn't imagine why they'd change anything now. I rushed over to my door and forced myself to open it slowly and silently.

I could hear Charlie's voice in his bedroom, an angry grumbling as Renee sniffled somewhere in the room. Someone was rifling through things and slamming drawers. Renee must be trying to find her booze again. There was nothing to find. A drawer slammed shut and Renee's sniffling mumble was cut off with a hiccupping gasp.

"You want the fucking pills? You want to sleep away your life?" Charlie was shouting now, stomping across the room. "Fine. I won't stop you anymore. There isn't a drop of liquor in the house anyway so go ahead! Knock yourself out!" I crept down the hallway toward the door that they had left half open. I wasn't sure what exactly I intended to do; this was beyond the realm of a normal fight.

"Charlie…" Renee sobbed.

"Just don't expect me to be the one picking you up off the floor. Don't ask me to hold back your hair and rub your back while you're puking up all the shit you put in your body anymore. I won't do it!" There was a rattling, whistling sound that ended abruptly with a shaky crack against the wall beside the door, then a skittering sound across the floor. I jumped out of my skin and rushed into the room in alarm.

Charlie was breathing heavily and glaring at the door where I'd come in, Renee's glassy eyes were trained on the floor. I followed her gaze and saw her bottle of Ambian scattered along the hardwood floor. So he'd thrown the pills at the wall. He was just going to let her get fucked up on these things. The whole house seemed to freeze for a second, I couldn't even breathe.

Then Charlie broke the tension by storming across the room and past me out the bedroom door. I heard his heavy footsteps rushing down the stairs as I looked at Renee, still unmoving, staring at the pills. I wanted to follow Charlie, to know what he was doing as he stomped around downstairs, but I couldn't leave Renee and pills unsupervised, so I knelt on the floor and swept them up into a pile. I cupped them all in my hands and rushed after Charlie, Renee followed silently behind me.

As I reached the bottom step, I saw Charlie grab his jacket from the back of his recliner and storm toward the front door.

"I'm going out. I'll be back when I can." He muttered at Renee over my shoulder before shooting me an angry glare. One that said _Watch her_. One that said _I can't take the responsibility right now. You do it. I'll be back when I feel like it._

And just like that, I was angry. Here I was, sixteen years old; standing in my family living room with two hands full of sleeping pills watching my dad storm out on my family while my mom stood sniffling quietly behind me like a toddler. Here I was being put in charge of this mess I didn't make, like I was the parent in all this, being told to control the children.

The front door slammed shut and I stood for a moment feeling fury build within my chest and my eyes. I looked up at the practically sleepwalking Renee who stood like a ghost in the stairwell, sniffling and sobbing every so often.

"Go upstairs, Renee." I sighed out my order. I could hardly be harsh to her when she acted so childish like this, it would only aggravate the situation. I turned toward the kitchen and dropped the pills into an empty plastic container. I wrote "leftovers" on the top of the lid with and a random date in sharpie before throwing the whole thing in the trash. It wasn't the most deceptive or smart thing to do, but Renee was so messed up right now she wouldn't bother to check.

I sulked up to my room, stopping once to check on Renee, only to see her lying in bed, glaring up at the ceiling. I settled onto my bed and knew no sleep would come.

The tapping on the window startled me at eleven o'clock. I had been lying in bed trying to get myself relaxed to the point of being able to sleep, so I wasn't unconscious, but definitely irritated by the continued annoying sound. When I sat up in my bed in confused fright, I saw Edward's face outlined in the darkness, a hand reaching up to wave at me. I groaned in frustration and stood to walk over to the window. I flipped the latch to shove the pane up and stepped aside as Edward moved from the tree braches into my room.

"What are you _doing _here?" I huffed as I dropped back onto my bed, stretching my arm over my face. "I was under the impression that you have this amazing social life that slows down for nothing and no one."

"I was actually just heading out when I saw the Chief speeding along the freeway _without_ his siren going, so I figured it must have been something personal, which lead to the conclusion that shit must have gone down here." His steps were heavy across the floor before his weight dropped onto the bed beside me. I pulled my arm off my eyes and shoved him away from me.

"No way. You're not welcome on my bed." I sat up and continued pushing him until he stood up looking ruffled and walked over to my desk chair to sit. "If you knew Charlie wouldn't be home, why did you come up to my window? Why not try the door?"

"I did. Several times. No answer. I thought you might be sleeping." He had knocked on the door and I hadn't heard it? I could have sworn I hadn't slept a wink. Maybe it was just that shitty light sleep where you wake up every ten minutes, I didn't know.

"Fuck, if you thought I was sleeping why not just _leave_ then?" I groaned and slid up the bed until I was lying on my pillow.

"Well I came all this way and I wanted you to be aware of my spectacular display of caring and friendship." He sniffed mockingly. The chair creaked as he stood back up. He was kind of all over the place, probably on some kind of upper or coke. "Besides, you shouldn't try sleeping after shit's gone down. You'll feel more tired when you get up. What you need to do is get out and wear yourself out properly so you sleep well."

"First of all, let me remind you that you are a dick. Second, it's eleven o' fucking clock at night, what do you think we could possibly do in Forks that will wear me out properly?" His breath came out in a thoughtful gust.

"Well there are several options. Many of which would be in bad taste to mention after whatever ordeal you've been through tonight. All of them would also happen to be illegal."

"Fucking boys," I rolled my eyes. "By the by, jackass, it wouldn't be illegal. I'm sixteen. You obviously pay no attention to what laws you're actually breaking. Or maybe breaking the law is what gets you off. I'm sure you'll be staying away from sixteen year olds from now on. The town folk won't take kindly to you sullying the fifteen year olds either."

"Please, Bella, give me some credit. I'm not after a grassless playground." He scoffed in disgust. "In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I like my women…educated in the ways of pleasure. I stay far away from your age group after an unfortunate encounter with a classmate of yours."

"The thing with Jessica? Yeah I already know more than I want to on that topic, spare me any further detail, please." I shuddered a bit at the memory of Jessica's infamous morning-after recap of her hook-up with the legendary Edward Cullen. I had walked off in the middle of her TMI-ing all over the lunch room and was unlucky enough to have to sit through Alice relaying the highlights of Jessica's venture into Edward's pants. "By all appearances it would seem you haven't stayed very far away from my age group seeing as you climbed in through my window in the middle of the night and are making unwelcome lewd comments to me."

"Hey, you let me in, and what's more, my intentions are noble." He must have seen the doubt written all over my face because he added "Mostly."

"Fine, Edward, you're trying to help out, I get it. What's the plan?"

"Put on some clothes, we're leaving." He seemed to be buzzing a bit more with excitement as he strode toward my bedroom door.

"I'm wearing clothes." Why I felt the need to fight him on so many things, I couldn't say. Conflict made life interesting I suppose.

"You know what I mean. Put on shit that you'd wear in Forks when outside at night." He growled and stepped out into the hallway, quietly closing the door behind him. I turned toward my dresser, swapping my sweats for jeans and getting a button down shirt from whothefuckknowswhere and threw it on over my tank top. I stepped out of my room and we began a silent trek down the hallway, stopping only once to check in on Renee in my parents' dark bedroom. She was silent and unmoving, her breathing soft and steady, but she was staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. Her silent near-comatose hissy fits were her method of protest. She wouldn't be going anywhere for a while.

Downstairs I stopped in the entryway to grab my jacket from it's hook and wedge my feet into some hiking boots. Edward opened the front door and stepped out to wait for me. I felt in the pocket of my coat for my house key and reached for the doorknob as my feet landed on the threshold of the door. I stopped and looked back up the stairs.

Up there, sitting like death was half of my lifelong responsibility. Renee. Mom. Practically a child who needed constant attention and coddling. Charlie was no better. Walking through this door was probably the equivalent of child abandonment or something and the thought made my stomach churn in both guilt and anger.

Edward looked at me with an unspoken question, his silence told me he was willing to wait as long as I needed. I turned my back on the house and closed the door as I stepped onto the porch. I didn't lock the door – there was no need in a place like Forks – I just followed Edward out into the night. More responsibility neglected.

It was cold, that was for sure, but Edward had the cure for the chill. After pulling a flask from his pocket after a half hour walk into the woods, Edward managed to talk me into indulging in the burning liquor.

The experience had proved to be better than the first time. I didn't think of Renee or Charlie once. Well, okay, maybe I did think of them once or twice or a thousand times, but it was easy to push the thoughts away with a distraction like Edward. Between him and the freezing night, it was tough to feel entirely trashed. He called me a lightweight and helped me trip my way through the woods.

For a long time I wondered where we were going. When I finally asked, Edward gave me one of his bullshit evasive answers.

"Everywhere and nowhere, that's the point." He sighed and I rolled my eyes. No way was I in the mood to call him out on his non-answer. I was laughing at him on the inside, he probably thought he sounded profound, but to me he sounded like an idiot. Then again, what did I know? I was drunk.

We walked for a few hours at least, it was tough to tell with the almost non-existent light of the moon. Never once was I bored, but as I turned down more of the booze, I started getting cold. In a show of unthinkable gentlemanly behavior, for Edward that is, he offered me his jacket stating he wasn't really cold anyway. He walked with his hands in his jean pockets, only occasionally removing them to help me stay upright as I walked.

Eventually the drunkenness turned into a shaky buzz and I noticed around that time that the trees were starting to thin up a bit, signaling our approach to civilization. As we emerged near a road, I recognized the area instantly. We were just down the street from my house; Edward's Volvo was parked across from old Mrs. Chandler's house.

"Why did you park so far? Furthermore why didn't you tell me you had driven? We could have been driving in your nice warm car rather than tromping around in the frigid fucking trees."

"The point of this venture, as I said, was to go everywhere and nowhere. We needed to wear you out, and I think the walk accomplished that. Had we been driving, we would have just been wasting precious fuel." He turned away from his car and started walking up the street. "I parked down here just in case Charlie came back. Too obvious parking right in front of your house."

"Well, for your sake, I'd hope he didn't come home. Your car doesn't go unnoticed in this town. He'll probably think you're boning Mrs. Chandler."

"Well, from what I hear, that hag used to be a true form swinger back in her day, so I'd be up for it. There are worse things than that for your dad to think of."

"Like you boning me?" I laughed following after him toward my house.

"Exactly. I may be perfect, but I'm certainly not bulletproof." He tilted his head back arrogantly.

"Keep up the egotistical talk and I'll be forced to test that statement." My eyes were about to roll out of my head, but my spirits were high.

"You love it when I'm confident. Would you rather I moped around and talked about all my imperfections?" He stopped and looked at me when I stepped up to his side, his nose wrinkled. "That'd make me a woman."

"Another strike, Cullen. Don't say I didn't warn you." I continued down the street, our banter lightly cutting through the night with our quiet laughter. My laughter died off when I saw that Charlie hadn't come home yet. How did that Eminem song go again? Snap back to reality. Yeah, definitely.

"Looks like you have nothing to worry about, the cruiser's not here." I sighed and walked up the path to my front door. A moment before I stepped on the porch I felt myself being pulled back by the elbow.

"No sentimental moments, Edward. I'm really not in the mood."

"This is hardly sentimental on my behalf. You're not going through the front door." He stated steering my frozen form toward the side of the house.

"Wait, _what_?" I snapped digging my heels into the ground and jerking my arm from his grip. "There's no fucking way I'm climbing up to the window, that's just fucking stupid." I should probably have kept my voice down, but like Charlie always said, once you got me going, I had volume control issues.

"Just because Charlie isn't here, doesn't mean you can bypass the rules. Teenagers climb in through the window. If you don't do it just once, then you'll get spoiled. You need to appreciate just how good you have it going through the door." He shoved me toward the tree and I just stood glaring.

"You're fucking crazy. Who dropped – no, _threw_ you on your head as a child and how many times?"

"Just humor me, Bella, just this once. You'll thank me for this."

"I fail to see why I would ever thank you for making me heave my ass up to my bedroom window when I can just walk through the door."

"Perfect ending to a perfect night." He gave me a sweet toothy smile that was practically blinding white in the dark night around us. What a fucking jackass. Trying to sucker me up and totally succeeding at it. I shouldn't have given in, it was like giving a screaming child their way; they realize what worked and busted that trick out whenever they wanted something. Unfortunately, I never learned my lessons from the handful of babysitting experience I'd had.

I glared for a moment longer before turning to the tree. The only thought that comforted me was the fact that should I fall, I would make him pay my hospital bills. One less thing to worry about. I jumped for a branch, my finger grazing the bark and catching no grip. I bent my knees deeper to spring up again when something grabbed my waist and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned around and slapped the shit out of Edward who loomed over me, his hands going from my waist to defend his head from my hands.

"Hands off the goods, Cullen." I snapped. Said hands held up in surrender. "I can manage myself. I suspect you're demanding I do this just so you can feel me up."

"Hardly. Underage goods aren't my thing remember? I was just trying to help. Went about it the wrong way. _Sorry_." I swear I heard him tack on a muttered 'princess' at the end but he kept speaking, lacing his fingers together and stooping a bit. "Here, I'll just give you a boost. I forgot how short you were." I stepped into his hands as hard as I could, causing him to stagger a bit. Good.

"Jesus, Swan, how much do you fucking weigh?" He wheezed as he heaved me up toward the branch. "I know women aren't supposed to answer, but I'm dying to know. Looks are clearly deceiving with you." I pulled myself up onto the thick branch and straddled it before looking back down with a sugary grin.

"Night, Edward." The words were pointed and he took the hint. He raised an eyebrow at me before mumbling a goodbye and walking away. He gave up way too easily, I'd probably hurt his feelings or something. How very typical Bella. Not to mention that if I fell out of the tree I'd have no witnesses and therefore no one to call and ambulance or perform last rites over my dying corpse.

As fate would have it, I made it up the tree and it only took me twenty five minutes of shaky terror as I clung to the trunk. By the time I pulled myself into my room, I was sweating bullets. I could smell my own fear and boy did it stink.

And I'll be damned if Edward wasn't right. I felt a sense of accomplishment deep down beneath the terror of almost-sort-of near death. I also felt a deep gratitude that this would hopefully be the first and last time I ever had to do that. I stripped my button down off and fanned myself with it as I walked out of my room then down the hall.

I knew not much would've have changed, but I just wanted confirmation that the "perfect" night, as Edward called it, had indeed ended perfectly, even though it started out so very tragically. If Renee was lying in her bed, the night would be over; I could call it a victory over my life circumstance and go to bed.

As fate had already been too kind to me that night, Renee was not in her bed. Renee was not in her bathroom. Renee wasn't even on the second fucking floor of the house. She never left the room on nights when she had a moping coma. Ever.

After a quick search of all the rooms on the second floor, I ran down the stairs, the dark house a death trap for someone with less than perfect coordination; Charlie had always been fond of kicking his shoes off in the middle of any given room. I fumbled toward the kitchen, feeling along the wall in a panic for a light switch that I always had trouble finding in the dark. My thoughts were on the phone and I prayed Charlie would acknowledge a call from me.

My foot tripped over something all wrong. Not a shoe, not a piece of furniture. My stomach felt like it was oozing out my toes now and I fumbled all the more. My hands were slamming into the walls and somehow turned on a light, confirming what I knew I'd see.

My eyes were locked on her, but I was moving, maybe even floating, toward the phone. Common sense dialed for me and even spoke while my vacant mind locked on my mother.

Renee, on the floor, everything about her screaming wrong. Body twisted at a painful angle, hair tangled and splayed out on the floor, something like foam or vomit on her lips. Common sense stopped working in that moment and I said the first words that my mind could process.

"I think she might be dead." The phone crashed to the floor, the battery popping out and skittering across the kitchen floor. I ran to my mom and dropped like the phone, only, whatever kept me going was long gone. I was in pieces, wanting to do everything and capable of doing nothing. My hands grasped at her arms and my head laid on her chest, praying for a heartbeat, a breath, anything that meant I was wrong. Nothing came but hysterics.

A tragic night always ended the way it started.


	9. Chapter 9: There's a Science to Fear

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 !-- /* Style Definitions */ , , {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} 1 {page:Section1;} --

**So many reviews this time it blew my mind. You guys are awesome for sticking by me through this. Mega thanks to Steph, the female Tonto.**

**If some of this seems harsh on Charlie's part, keep in mind what caused it. He blames himself as much as Bella does.**

_**Disclaimer: If I owned it, it wouldn't be **_**fan**_**fiction, would it?**_

* * *

**Chapter 9 - There's a Science to Fear**

I sat in the hospital waiting room slouching with my hands dangling between my knees, trying not to think. Talk about an exercise in futility. Since it was next to impossible not to think, I only allowed my mind to drift to frivolous things. Hours upon hours of reciting algebraic formulas, gossip I'd heard weeks ago from Alice, even trying to remember those crappy Broadway tunes Rosalie performed with the school's Drama department. It helped me to not think about the shouting EMTs, the ambulance ride, and the chaotic arrival at the hospital. If I did, I'd probably go crazy and start chucking chairs at the only other occupant of the waiting room – a teenage girl more or less my age who sat weeping loudly for what seemed like hours.

Where was Charlie? I'd called him in the minutes that seemed like suspended time as I waited for EMS. I shuddered as the acronym crossed my mind and the image of my mother as an unresponsive, awkward heap on the kitchen floor beside me, foaming at the mouth, forced it's way to the forefront of my mind and I willed away the uneasy feeling of bile in my stomach. Charlie should be here by now. God, he should have been here hours ago, what was keeping him? For all we knew she could be slipping away and he wouldn't be here.

"Bella," the hushed voice spoke above me and even though I recognized it, I couldn't be bothered to lift my head to meet the gaze I felt burning into me. He dropped into the empty seat beside me. I wanted to ask how he knew to come here, but school would have probably started by now. He would have seen my truck missing, ditched school, he possibly even called Carlisle to get hospital info. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Yeah." The carpet in this place was my main focus for the duration of my stay. It was the rough kind that cut your skin worse than concrete if you fell on it. On top of that, it was uglier than sin; slate grey with tiny pastel fibers blended in and beginning to fray. "Don't be."

"I know, what you're thinking. You can't blame yourself, you couldn't have known." Edward was leaning toward me, his voice hushed and gentle. It made me feel pretty fucking violent.

"That's so goddamn stupid to say Edward. Of course I knew. Of course, I could have fucking known." I snapped standing up – I needed to move. I started stalking down the hall and I could hear him following me. Reaching the end of a hallway I stopped as panic vibrated through my fingers and arms, straight to my spine. I did an about face and walked back to the waiting room; I'd need to be there incase anything had happened. It must have been bad because no one had said a damn word to me yet and I was scared shitless that this was it – that she'd finally offed herself because of that stupid fucking habit.

"Don't start this shit. You're so much stronger than the 'Pity me, I'm to blame' bullshit." He'd chosen the wrong tactic to try and shake me up.

"Shut the fuck up, Edward! Like you know so much about me?" I snapped, barely tossing him a look over my shoulder. A few people in the hall looked ruffled at my outburst. "Oooh you have a drunk daddy, I have a drunk mommy, we _must_ be the exact same fucking person!"

He stopped dead in his tracks a few feet away from the seats we'd occupied before. I turned to look at him.

"We aren't even close to the same. If there's anyone here that's like you, it's my mom. I wish I could haul your ass back there and show you exactly where you will end up, but I can't." Edward had gone so still; the kind of still you go right before you have a mental break or beat someone to death. I wanted to stop but no-thinking Bella was firmly in place. "You'll have to settle for this. This is what everyone who ever fucking cared about you will go through. Just look at me, this could be _your_ kids one day. Your wife, your friends, everyone will go through this someday because you are going absolutely nowhere, Edward."

He was so fucking quiet and still that I couldn't do a damn thing but wait for him.

"What the hell is this clown doing here?" Charlie appeared at my side, already shouting. Fantastic, another problem to deal with when I least felt like it. Edward didn't even blink in acknowledgement of Charlie; he was staring blankly at me. He was still catching up.

"He came to see why I wasn't at school." I didn't take my eyes off him as I replied to Charlie.

"Yeah, well this is blatant truancy, Cullen. You couldn't be more of an idiot kid. Get your ass out of my sight and back to school." Charlie was shaking in anger. Edward seemed to snap out of it and turned to Charlie.

"I came to support, Bella. If that means I have detention for the rest of my high school life, so be it." Edward was rapidly taking on a defiant stance and I could see Charlie's overenthusiastic signs of response falling into place. This was going to get bloody, fast – thank God we were already in a hospital.

"Stay the fuck away from my daughter, you little shit. If I see-"

"Edward," I bit out sharply. "Go."

"Bella, no. I'm not leaving just because Officer Fuckstick says so. I didn't do a damn thing wrong." I saw Charlie's hand twitch where it rested on his hip, presumably a contemplation of grabbing the night stick just inches away from his fingers and beating Edward to a pulp.

"Edward, no." My tone mocked his. "You're making everything worse and I don't want you here. Just fucking leave already."

I'd never felt more guilty in my life than in that moment. Edward turned his gaze from Charlie, hurt written all over his face. Beautifully done, Bella. The dismissal had the desired affect; Edward turned his eyes away and brushed past the both of us.

And as they say, _and then there were two._

The waiting room was buzzing with tension and Charlie's obvious fury. I didn't even have the chance to start counting down the seconds until his tirade turned to me. He looked at me and it was like a dam broke inside him.

"Isabella Swan," his voice was slow, like he was willing the words to brand themselves onto my brain. "I will never, ever, forgive you if something happens to her. I hope you never forgive yourself either."

Fuck.

Those were the exact words I had been expecting to hear. I had told myself the exact same thing over and over for hours. I'd thought that by the time he said it (though part of me thought he would never actually say it to my face) that I wouldn't feel a fucking thing. Oh boy, I was so, so, so tragically wrong.

"Excuse…" it was like my lungs were suddenly rejecting air. I couldn't catch my breath for the life of me. "Excuse me?"

"This was your fault. I _trusted_ you to take care of her, but you're such a selfish brat that you ignored her and let…all of _this_ happen." I couldn't help the tears that sprung to my eyes. Accused, tried, and condemned in a matter of moments by my own father, no less. "Bella, if you weren't my own daughter I would arrest you for negligence right here."

"Fuck you, Charlie." I sobbed. This was absolutely unreal. I felt like the whole world I knew had been pillaged by an invisible force in a matter of seconds. This was topsy-fucking-turvy.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that ever again, you ungrateful little bitch!" Charlie shouted. I jumped. A few people in the immediate area jumped as well. "You're such a little monster! Your mother is lying in a hospital bed, possibly _dying _because you didn't do a damn thing to keep her from hurting herself, and you're acting like I should feel sorry for you?"

"How can you speak to me like that? I'm sixteen years old and I'm your daughter!" I shouted back at him. "You were the one who left her with me, like I can do something to stop Renee from doing what Renee does."

"You could have tried harder." His voice was low and he stepped closer, his eyes were dark with malice. "I saw the empty pill bottle in the trash and the container on the floor with less than half the pills she had still sitting in the bottom of it. I saw the bottle of whiskey, so big that there was no way she could have possibly hid it from us for long. You didn't even bother to check up on her, Bella. Do you hate her so much that you didn't even care? You didn't bother to make an effort to get rid of those pills the right way. You didn't find the bottle of booze that was probably sitting in plain sight all this time. You don't give two shits about anything that isn't yourself."

"Charlie, you didn't clean them up. You didn't find that bottle either. You didn't do a single fucking thing. How dare you place this shit on _my_ shoulders!" My voice was rising to the point where I was starting to sound shrill and childish. I was sure, any moment, someone would come over and say something about us leaving the premises. "I'm just a fucking kid! What am I supposed to do, spend the rest of my life cleaning up your messes and your drunk wife when you are the only one insisting on keeping her locked up in the house all day? You're a real fucking winner, Chief Swan!"

I didn't dare let his words sink in on me. I knew if I didn't force the ideas away they'd take root. He had to have some of this blame. It couldn't all rest on me or I'd lose my mind any second now.

"Excuse me, Chief Swan." A deep voice cut through our yelling match. My eyes swept the hallway for a security guard or a swat team that would be hauling us out of the building. There was nothing but a few people lingering as they tried to subtly spy on the police chief's public brawl with his daughter.

"Yes?" Charlie's voice was abrupt, but worlds kinder than it had been moments before when addressing me.

"I'm Doctor Keenan. We spoke on the phone." He held his hand out and Charlie took it in his own for a brief shake.

"How is she?" Charlie's voice was laced with more emotion than I'd ever heard him put into anything but an argument with me or Renee. I wondered if under all that hatred and blame he was pumping out toward me, he felt as much self-loathing as I did. I turned my eyes to the doctor.

His eyes flickered down to the floor then back up to Charlie's and in that second I knew it. The knowledge tore through my chest like a ruptured fault line and I was sobbing. He hadn't even said a word yet. My legs shook and I dropped back into the seat I'd vacated earlier, so heavily it slammed into the wall, breathing so hard I was practically panting. I thought there were tears in my eyes, they burned badly, but no tears clouded my sight. My head dropped back, hitting the wall with a bang that I didn't feel as I stared at the ceiling.

The words poured out of the doctor's mouth like a stream of rehearsed lines I'd seen so many times on TV, and I had to keep reminding myself these were real words about my mom.

There was nothing to be done. There was too much preexisting damage. She'd been unconscious too long. Her liver failed. She was dead. I had killed someone. Negligent homicide was a crime and I was going to ask Charlie to cuff me up and lock me away forever. This was…too much.

I looked over at Charlie. Still as a stone; so much like Edward when I had said all those horrible things -- not enough -- a half hour ago. His face looked how I felt; like someone had just taken a wrecking ball to our home.

The doctor's monologue ended with apologies and a mention of paperwork. Charlie nodded solemnly and turned to look at me. His eyes were shining with tears. I'd never seen a look so cold pass between a father and child in my life. I felt chilled to the core.

That look spoke every word he'd said and more. Blame and hatred. Sentiments I mirrored and reflected throughout my body. Renee was dead and it was my fault. He knew it, I knew it, and soon everyone would. I would forever be Bella Swan the Murderer.

I watched Charlie follow the doctor down the hall leaving me in the dust, without even offering the chance to say goodbye as he surely would have. All for the best; goodbye wasn't something I could even think of saying.

So instead I ran, or walked, or floated, or flew from the building blindly.


End file.
